It’s been a while since I last posted. I am now a ‘former carer’.
My Gran passed away yesterday afternoon. I got there 5 minutes too late. She had other family members with her when she passed and I’m told she just calmly slipped away. I am very grateful for that.
Now, I have to face the horrible, inevitable bit where I need to learn how to stop being a carer- it’s going to hit home this afternoon, at the usual time I would go to the nursing home, to find that I am no longer needed there… and never will be again.
I’m sad to say that my last visit, the day before she passed, was not one of our best encounters. She was very agitated and I’d had a bad day at work- I need to remember that one day, out of all of those I spent with her, doesn’t mark the tone of our entire relationship. I will get there
MND is a disgusting disease and I will loathe it until my very last breath.
To all of you on this forum (especially BB, who provided such incredible advice and support), thank you so much for answering my various queries over the last year. You’re all incredible people, with the biggest of hearts <3
So sorry to hear of your loss - it was lovely for your Gran that she passed peacefully and surrounded by family; something we all wish for our loved ones and for ourselves when our time comes.
There will be a lot to do to keep you busy over the next few weeks but remember that we are still here for you when/if you need us.
Feel very sad for you Broostine.
I take comfort that my husband passed very very peacefully. I hope you can gain comfort from that too. Yes, not going to visit at the nursing home will feel strange. Takes time, but that will become easier. Emotional busy time ahead, and my thoughts are with you.
Sorry to hear about your Gran, though a welcome release for her.
Dig out old albums and reminisce with relatives about your memories of her and remember all the good times you shared. You were there for her and supported her every way you could.
The forum is here to support present and current carers so we are here when you need us.
After the initial tears, I’m now feeling quite numb (I know that’s normal, though it’s freaking me out that I’m not crying my eyes out all the time, as I thought I would be).
I’m back at work today and everyone is being very supportive, which is a massive help. Starting to sort out the practical matters now.
Don’t rush back to work if you are not ready. After my Mum’s husband (he’s my Dad but was an awful man so prefer to call him that) died, I went back to work two days after because I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to have time off.
It was far too early to have gone back and everyone at work wanted to come over and tell me how sorry they were, so each time someone did their bit, I was in tears again. I then had to take time off again because SS were coming round to take his recliner chair and what not.
There was a girl I worked with and her Mum died the day after Dad. She didn’t come back to work for 6 months. I know people grieve different but had I have known, I would have taken a lot longer.
Thinking of you and stay strong. You will have days where you cry your eyes out followed by weeks of no emotion and then back to square one. It’s not a nice process but you have to go through it.
Personally, I find it easier to be at work after someone close to me has died. When my Mum died a couple of years ago, I was back in work the morning after the evening I found out she’d died. Similar this time around- Gran died on the Friday and I was back in work on the Monday. My work peeps are lovely and very supportive. I find that keeping my mind busy by doing my usual work helps because I’m not just sat at home, overthinking everything. Everyone is different, though xx
Every bereavement is different. Whatever works for you at the time. We ran a business together, and part of my job was writing a 20 pages of A4 magazine about lorries, every 3 months. After my husband died I produced the magazine on time, to the amazement of all my club members. It was easier for me to do something familiar than do anything else.
I do not think that moping around for six months is healthy. However much we hate the idea, death is part of life and we need to accept that life goes on.
I returned to work 2 days after my mother’s funeral. I phoned to say would be back, and my manager said do half a shift and we how you feel. Colleagues asked why return so soon, but I felt it would be harder, the longer I left it.’ Normal’ family and working life needed to happen for all our sakes. I’ve known others take 6months off, but that wasn’t for me. As BB states, everyone copes in different ways.
So sorry for your loss, Broostine. She is at peace now.
As you say, everyone is different. I also went back to work quickly after the loss of each parent. In a sense, I parked my problems at the door and found work a distraction. Whatever works for you.
