This is the day Ive been dreading and its finally here. I thought Mum would only be in respite care for a short time. I thought she’d be coming home eventually. But because of her dementia she needed more care. She became a choking risk and had difficulty swallowing. In the last six months she lost her mobility. And became bedridden. To cut a long story short Mum died yesterday. The care home said that Mum was low on oxygen. And that she had difficulty swallowing and breathing. The care home rang for an ambulance. But when she got there Mum wasnt breathing and passed away. I wasnt with her when she died. The care home were telling me stuff and I was trying not to panic. Hoping that everything would be alright. So I went to the care home and I was allowed to sit with her for a good while. Until my brother came to pick me up. Mum looked so peaceful as if she was asleep. I take comfort that she’s with my late brother and Nanna. And now wherever she is she’s in a better place. So I kissed her one final time and said goodbye. Its all very surreal and my head is trying to make sense of it all. My brother and sister are not coping right now. I just feel so bereft.
I’m so very sorry learn of your Mum’s passing but it sounds as though she passed peacefully which is all any of us can hope for.
So sorry for your loss @Jackie_201112
Other health problems are always complicated by dementia. It’s good that you were able to sit with her afterwards and know that she is now at peace, not distressed or unwell.
I hope you and your brother and sister are all able to support each other during this difficult time.
@Jackie_201112 my heartfelt condolences. Sending hugs and love to you and your family.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad you got some time with her.
Very sorry to read this Jackie. At least you know she is at peace now with no more pain.
Take care. Xxx
@Jackie_201112
Very sorry to read of your loss. Hopefully you can take comfort that your mum looked so peaceful when you say with her. I’m sure you will be able to look back on happier memories in time
I would like to say thank you for your very kind messages. They help me immensely. Mums clothes are everywhere. I dont know what to do with them. Everywhere I go there are reminders. Im not sure whether to get rid or just put them in a cupboard. Im just going through the motions. I did give away some of Mums stuff and I feel really guilty for doing so. What shall I do in these very early days?
@Jackie_201112….do nothing for now. Give it time and then gradually sort out what you need to. There’s no rush 
I am so sorry @Jackie_201112 it was lovely that you were able to be with your mum at the end. Try and take comfort from that.
As @Sue24 says do nothing for now, take your time.
Dear @Jackie_201112
This is such a hard and painful time for you I imagine,
Be as gentle and kind to you as you can,
Take your time, if you can, to make decisions,
You express so much love for your Mum,
My warmest wishes Ula
There is no “right” or “wrong” way - just do what feels right and comfortable for you.
When my Mum passed away the only thing we did do immediately was to donate those clothes she had with her to the care home where she had been living (as they needed her room back). We left sorting all the rest until after her funeral and then it was all packed up and donated to local charity shops except for a few individual items we kept as keepsakes. Although that was 12 years ago I still have her warm dressing gown.
I have to agree with @susieq there is NO right way to handle things. Just allow yourself time to grieve in whatever you is right for you, be that crying, being quiet or whatever FEELS right. Just know Mum will always be with you while you keep her alive in your heart and thoughts. You have memories of happier times, so treasure those and share them with siblings.
@Jackie_201112 I’m sorry to hear about your Mum. It’s always a shock, even if you were expecting this to happen, and you need time to adjust.
There are things that have to be done, yes - registering the death, for example, and making the funeral arrangments, but most things can wait a couple of days. Give yourself some time,
@Jackie_201112 I’m sorry for your loss. However much a death is anticipated it’s always a shock. I hope you take comfort that your Mum’s passing was peaceful and she is now at rest.