My mum, aged 83, had a knee replacement on Wednesday at an out of our area NHS treatment centre. Nurses rang me the next day to say did I know she was forgetful and difficult, well yes I do and I’ve been working to try to get her to see her GP about it, as I’ve brought it to the GP’s attention, but mum will not go.
Anyway, on Thursday a nurse rings and says I need to find a nursing home, she can’t be home alone. I live a 40 minute drive away and work full time. I organise this no problem. Next day they say she’s scored 10/10 in the Mini Mental Health assessment and I can pick her up the next morning, she is released and it’s all up to me.
There have been plenty of issues since I brought her home yesterday, including paramedics in the first hour because she couldn’t get up from a too low seat that she sat on whilst I was parking the car (yes, the loo seat without the riser). I know I need to call the GP tomorrow and voice my concerns. I have an Urgent Care Assessment booked for Tuesday morning from the local hospital, and amazingly mother has agreed to go into a nursing home for recuperation although she changes her mind every two minutes. I’ve just this minute to,d her I’d like to get her there tomorrow, oh no she said, not that soon. I’m being kind but tough - we don’t have a loving relationship. Btw I have poa over wealth but not health.
I have been with her since I brought her home, I sleep on the landing floor listening out in case anything goes wrong. She cannot even get into bed without me lifting her foot. Tomorrow I go back to work which luckily is about a 20,second walk away for me on Mondays and Tuesdays. I intend to sleep in my own bed tomorrow night! I have always told her I will make sure she is taken care of and I’ve laboured the point that I will not be her carer. I am an only child, as is she.
I’ve seen some of the questions that come up. She is 83, widowed. She has funds and owns her house which is freezing cold and three storeys high, with a stair lift, but with steps between every room. She is using crutches and zimmer but keeps forgetting and wanders off then gets stuck when the pain hits. She refuses pain relief. She has no dementia diagnosis and despite bilateral hip replacements and a mastectomy is generally well. She is very overweight and likes to sit without moving for hours. She is not doing her knee exercises. She has a panic button.
If anyone has any advice or even an ‘I’ve been there!’ It would be great to here it. I think the hospital have failed her but I have to move forward.