So worried about my Mum

My Mum is 83 and following the death of my Dad almost 5 years ago has become extremely depressed. She is under the care of the older persons mental health team.
My sister and I visit to clean, wash her clothes and food shop for her. We thought that she was cooking for herself but recently found mouldy food hidden around the house. She has also lost a great deal of weight and is not taking her medications, including antidepresents.We contacted her Drs surgery and a GP visited. On learning that she was under care of mental health she was referred to them. They visited and felt that Mum should have carers to “help jolly her along” Mum agreed during visit but the next day decided she didnt want help. Today a psychiatrist and nurse visited. Mum was asked if she felt she needed to go into hospital for proper assessment and she agreed. The Dr then announced that they had no beds and could my sister take her home for some care and attention while carers are arranged. She will probably send them packing and we be back to square one. Not sure who to turn to for help.


Always remember that you are NOT “mum’s little girl” even if she thinks you are!! You are a grown woman and NO ONE can force you to care.

Mum cannot refuse carers and force you to care instead!!

Stop doing all of what I call the “someone” jobs.
She needs “someone” to clean for her
She needs “someone” to shop for her
She needs “someone” to do the laundry for her.
She needs “someone” to cook for her.

At her great age, there’s no shame in any of that, but honestly, anyone can do those things for her.

Who arranged the carers?
Were you there at the time to introduce and supervise them?
I know that isn’t strictly necessary either, but when you try again, I’d suggest it just the once. Arrange for their arrival to coincide with theirs. It might help mum accept them if you say they are coming to help YOU rather than mum.

Is mum claiming Attendance Allowance?

Thank you for taking the time to reply. Mum receives higher rate attendance allowance. I have persuaded my sister to step back and let the “professionals” take over. We are going to make a formal complaint because mum really should be in hospital for proper assessment. At the moment health are just applying a sticking plaster to fix a broke leg.