I know this is selfish but I am so tired. Whenever I mention how exhausting and depressing it is to care for my mum everyone seems to tell me how hard it must be for her. They all symphaise with her situation. They come up with ideas for her which entail more work for me.

This sounds awful but what can I do for me?

Feel really mean. Am ready to scream

The term elderly toddler is so apt.

Doesn’t seem to see I am slowly shrivelling inside

Sue, tell us a bit more.

Caring CAN be fatal.
I developed a life threatening illness, requiring major surgery, leaving life long after effects.
When I asked the consultant why I developed it, as we had a healthy lifestyle, he said “25 years without any holiday didn’t do you any favours”. (My son was so hyperactive that he worked through 14 “family respite carers”. Some thought I wasn’t any good as a mum, but then a number had him just once and said never again!)
My husband DIED in his sleep at the age of 58 from a massive heart attack, just after his father died at 87. In the previous years we had been juggling the needs of our disabled son, and supporting all four parents, all entitled to Highest DLA/AA.

You CANNOT be forced to care.
Do you want to care at all? Is it time to withdraw your care entirely?

Alternatively, do you want a LOT more care at home?

HI Sue,

You are not selfish.

This book might help The Selfish Pig’s Guide to Caring: How to Cope with the Emotional and Practical Aspects of Caring for Someone Hugh Marriott


Hello Sue,
I know just how you feel. I care for my elderly mum and sometimes I feel like I don’t exist as a person. I’m just ‘‘mum’s carer’’.
When my niece sends me a text it always says ‘‘how’s granny?’’. She never asks how I am.
Last year I got Covid and my sister sent me a horrible text because she was so worried that I’d pass the virus onto mum. She didn’t wish me better or ask how I was feeling at all. As it turned out my mum did catch Covid but fortunately had mild symptoms.
There is a lot you can do for yourself - don’t put up with it!
It is really important that you look after yourself.
Unfortunately this Lockdown has made our lives much more difficul because nearly everywhere is closed.
But when we come out of Lockdown start going places again. Meet up with friends for a coffee and a chat, join a social club or an exercise class. Do things you enjoy doing …I’m assuming your mum can be left alone.
Your life needs to be balanced- having hobbies, a social life and caring.
I’m no being selfish - I’m trying to survive!