This is my first post. I currently care for my 100yr old mum, who is recovering from hip fracture and sprained ankle. I am caring 7 days,a week, only going home when I can get he time. I am feeling down. Today my sister in law spent a few hours with my mum so I was able to go home and be with boyfriend, friends etc. However, on my return my mother complained that I wasn’t around enough. I’m tired, have a bad back and hormonal problems. I did her shopping came to see if she needed the commode etc until my sister in law took over. Now I feel selfish and depressed. I want to get on with my own life, but her care had been purely left to me.

Is it normal to at times present caring and feel guilty for doing so?

Hello & welcome Karen

What a wonderful age for your Mum.

Unfortunately, we can fall in to a caring role overnight. We think we are being dutiful and why wouldn’t you care for your Mum. But the more we care and then try to withdrawn that’s when the difficulties start. You will have to breath in and start to ignore the negative comments. Some older people get really quickly in attaching to a situation and expect things to remain the same.

There are plenty of ways Mum can be supported without you doing it all. Has Mum had a needs assessment if not I would recommend one is put in place.


Stop feeling guilty and take back your live.

Wow your mum is a fabulous age.
There are a myriad of emotions in caring for a family member, most are normal human responses.

Your mum might be worried that you will stop being there, reassure her.
That was a change and she might not be good with change if she is settled in a routine and depending on you.

This is a big responsibility on you, if there are others who can step in they should do, it’s not fair on you.
If not, get a social worker and needs assessment to see what she qualifies for.