Hi, my siblings and I have been caring for my 86 year old mum since 2012. She has a form of MND and now cannot speak. She is compas mentus but struggles to make some decisions. We have POA for health decisions. This year whenever I gave had to speak to the GP about anything they always turn it asking if she wants to have a DNR slapped on her. This is difficult subject to broach in anyone let alone an elderly old school person. Now today the GP and practice manager at the health centre rang and informed us they are sending in safeguarding team to investigate. This has been a shock to us and an insult. Has anyone else been in this situation, does anyone have any advice? Thank you in advance.
How stressful and worry inducing.
On what grounds are they raising safeguarding issues?
As our Mum can no longer speak, but is still has capacity, does she have a communication system in place?
I suggest you read up on Elderly safeguarding so that you are prepared https://www.ageuk.org.uk/globalassets/age-uk/documents/factsheets/fs78_safeguarding_older_people_from_abuse_fcs.pdf
I’m sure they will see how well you all care for your Mum.
Does your Mum have visits from other professionals?
I’m dismayed. Are the saying whatever you decide they ARE going to put a DNR on file???
It is not their choice to make! Mum gave you POA when she was well because she wanted YOU to decide for her, knowing you love her, and she trusts you completely.
I would lock the door and not let them in.
Thank you Melly1. That is very useful.
They have not highlighted anything solid with us and we were told over a very sketchy phone call where various things were randomly brought up such as a CT scan which mum felt she wasn’t up to having.
Yes we have had regular NHS professionals in the house such as OT, physio, speech therapy, dietician. This is why we are dumbfounded as to why the GP has requested this. He came to the house a few months ago when mum became dehydrated during that very hot spell and her sodium was high. They were almost forcing her into hospital but she did not want to go. I have him on video questioning my mother and her nodding to say she wanted to be cared for at home. I stayed up all night syringing water Into her mouth, and the sodium reduced to normal. It is heartbreaking how much I have done for mum to be persicuted in this way. I feel like an utter victim and nothing can be done about my human rights and the bullying and terrifying older people in this way.
I think they are trying to get a decision out of mum. It’s like the NHS have audits to do on this and they are trying to kill off the elderly.
Thank you yes she did she trusts me. I’ve given my life up to care for her. The GP and these health care professionals now seem to have so much power it’s dangerous
Since none of the other professionals have concerns, then it doesn’t sound like a genuine safeguarding concern to me.
The GP should be appreciating your excellent care of your Mum and supporting you. Not adding pressure and anxiety.
It does sound like it’s to do with the DNACPR.
Do not attempt cardiopulmonary resuscitation (DNACPR) decisions - NHS you can ask for a second opinion.
Thanks for taking the time to reply Melly1.
That read was very shocking. I had no idea a doctor can make that decision. It seems some health professionals have been given so much power it’s not right.
I really feel they are now all just box tickers and not looking at people.
The ironic thing is mums aunt was quite a well known matron and chief nursing officer in her day she saw people as people not numbers. There was so much hope for the NHS back then.
My mother aged 96 has recently been in hospital and is now in rehab. Whilst she was in hospital I was asked to agree to a DNR, I was told that if I did not agree, they would seek a second opinion and register a DNR anyway. They really did put the pressure on asking me every single day and put on a deadline for my decision. It was explained that at 96 years old the CPR would be brutal and would break her bones and did I want them to put her through that. I did agree but very reluctantly.
This is really something, like Power of Attorney, that should be discussed when people are well.
I have given my son POA and strict instructions what he should do if I am very ill.
Pain relief must be top priority regardless of consequences.
I do understand your feelings
I had no hesitation in granting DNR for my late husband. In his career he had witnessed many times CPR being given. We had many discussions about this and he very firmly said " don’t ever let that happen to me. In the nursing home I signed knowing it would be his wish. He died at 73. DNR wasn’t needed. He always found it horrendous to witness in very elderly and mostly they didn’t survive any way. With younger people I feel it’s different.
Of course choice is choice, and no one should be forced into signing for a loved one. That is appalling.
I hope by me telling you in very elderly it’s an awful thing to happen helps you feel more comforted.
My daughter’s have POA and it’s a strict instruction from me not to allow it.
Thank you for your input. I do understand it is a decision some people find easier to make than others and I have had a horrific experience when my father was dieing. He had lung cancer and we were trying to move him when he suddenly started dyeing. We called 999 and the paramedics arrived I instinctly asked them to resuscitate him …he was my dad. The paramedic started shouting at me saying things like they would break his ribs during the process and did I want that etc. It was a living nightmare.
For me it’s the way the NHS are going about it. It feels very pressured and I am not convinced it should be like this.
Maybe if they ask this at time of registration or say at a yearly campaign.
I am sorry you were pressured Judith. It’s not right and awful they seem to have such power over people’s rights. Very disturbing.
My mum was asked when in hospital. The consultant explained what was involved and the implications for her very frail body, and gave her the option of “letting nature take it’s course”, the option she chose. It was very sensitively dealt with.