Hi
I’m new here. I care for my 87 year old mum. She has a variety of health issues - severe arthritis, diabetes, heart issues as well as mental health issues and dementia. I cannot get her GP surgery to take any action re the clear signs of dementia so I’m just soildering on as best I can. I’m a supply teacher, I have 2 children still living at home as well as 2 dogs and husband. Feel like everything is a battle and a bit worn down.
Hi @Lilith and welcome!
The only suggestion I have that may help is that you write down your mum’s mental health symptoms as they were, say 5-10 years ago, and the totality of her symptoms now, including those you attribute to dementia, and ask the doctor to read them, and tell you why it;s not dementia, as you don’t understand.
I think what is happening is that the GP is attributing everything to your mum’s mental health issues. But they don’t insulate her from dementia - in fact, from my understanding it may well be the opposite.
Hi Lilith,
Welcome to the forum. Life sounds full on.
Nothing to add Charles’ advice re getting her tested for dementia.
Does she claim attendance allowance and have help from paid carers as well as support from you?
They think her mental health is fine too. And she gets attendance allowance but I’m the only person who does anything for her.
In my experience the NHS are very reluctant to diagnose dementia. I am caring for my 85 year old medically non compliant husband who I am convinced has Frontotemporal Dementia. However although the scan showed moderate shrinkage of the frontotemporal lobes the Memory Clinic discharged him in May last year because he passed the memory test.
I agree with keeping a diary and then using this to write or show the GP . Would she accept outside Carers to help her? Has the GP done a memory test?
I had a similar experience with my late father back in 2017. I was convinced he was developing dementia but could not get it progressed yet when he went downhill and had to be taken into hospital where he died it was actually noted on the death certificate.
It might be worth you phoning the Dementia UK Helpline.
tel:0800 888 6678
She won’t allow anyone in the house except me. I’ve been trying to persuade her to get a cleaner but she won’t have that either.
Hi Lilith
Does Mum live with you, or is she still living ‘independently’? The onset of dementia is so frightening for the sufferer and will cause depression. I know you do so much already, however, it is important to ensure there isn’t an underlying problem with Mum so I would make an appointment and go to the GP with her.
Is it possible to enlist your children and husband into doing some of the things you do for your Mum? Or simply do more for themselves. Between two adults and two nearly(?) adults, you should be able to draw up a plan that shares the load. In other words, stop soldiering on, sit down with your family and let them know how tired and worn down you feel and how much you need them to pull their weight as you cannot do everything.
Good luck.
Edit: Sorry, I saw your last post about a cleaner and not allowing anyone in the home. If she won’t let your family into her home, I would definitely call your local council’s Adult Services/Adult Social Care.
She will let my family in but only if I’m there. Hubby does a lot at home, but struggling to get eldest to do anything (he is an adult and unemployed)