Feeling really low about Mums carehome lack of communication

Hello everyone
Thought I would write my feelings down today as I, feeling very frustrated about my Mums carehome
She has Parkinson’s and I’ve had a handful of visits since lockdown, outside with our Masks on , she is living with dementia and is often confused, this has really affected her mental health , I’ve recently said my concerns to her social worker about the homes , lack of communication ( regarding her weight, nutrition and wellbeing)and I’ve asked if she could be allowed not to wear her mask as she is very fretful , the social worker said she would pass on my issues with the home ,and now when I call the nurse on the phone seems very off with me and when I ask how Mum is , all she says she’s alright and do I want to talk to her,and no other information , why do I feel bad for just raising my concerns , obviously the nursing staff feel that I have moaned about them but I have not , I’m just trying to be a responsible daughter for my Mum and I’m her Power of Attorney for everything too, she’s a frail 89 year old lady and I just want her to have the best care, I used to see her every other day so all this is very upsetting and very hard for us all
I’m feeling so low about this , thank you for reading

Hi Tracy,

you shouldn’t feel bad about raising concerns and you wouldn’t have had to if the home were giving you enough information about how your Mum is doing.

It is so difficult for families and residents visiting under Covid restrictions.

Perhaps your Mum could wear a visor instead of a mask?

It might be an idea to ask if you can book a regular ‘update’ call with your Mum’s key worker/nurse so that you call at a time when they are able to talk. Have the home tried using an iPad with her so she can see and hear you when you call - it it didn’t work for my Auntie, but my friends Grandma liked being able to see who she was speaking to.


Have you tried making an appointment with the care home manager to discuss it? If the home is any good the manager will normally keep an eye on your concerns and report back to you.

It’s just a matter of luck unfortunately if you get a staff member who is competent and caring…or will even take the time to talk to you. Many homes have such a high turnover of staff, or temporary staff. Try the manager and see what result you get. Social services is there of course if you feel the home is not doing it’s job.