Is there a forum on here for people who are self-employed, running their own business, at the same time as being an unpaid family carer?
I said hello to a couple of people on the welcome & introduction page, but I can’t see a dedicated group for people like me. Apologies if I missed it.
Others in this situation will recognise the reasons why we choose to be self-employed (because it affords the flexibility that a disabled dependent needs) and the challenges (really hard to get work when you can’t commit enough time and energy, always ineligible for financial help).
I’d love to share ideas with others about how to get round the challenges. Like perhaps how has anyone turned this into an advantage? I feel sure that we carers have a lot of skills that will translate very well into an ability to better look after our clients, but that may be hidden by their concerns that our dependents will always have a higher priority than their customer needs.
Any thoughts? Is there a group here?
Cheers,
Daniel
(my business is engineering for sustainability)
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Hi @Daniel I’m not sure there’s another thread dedicated to this, so good for you starting one.
I have my own Ltd business - it’s tiny, mentoring clients around leadership. strategy, marketing- mainly in my previous industry. I’ve also built a website-publication that has subscribers and a small number of paid subscriptions. Both are rewarding. They’re second place to caregiving and somehow fit around things. BUT I’m in a much calmer situation compared to 6 years ago.
I can share some thoughts, but of course, there’d be limits given my time is at a premium in more ways than one. For us carers we know how precious time is, and how we spend it has even more weight and consideration than most.
FYI You may want to check out Substack. Message me directly if you want more specific details as I wouldn’t promote my website here - per our community guidelines
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Thank you - it’s good to even know others face similar situations. I read somewhere that there are 500,000 people who are self employed and family carers.
I apologise that I don’t know about substack - If there’s something useful I can look for it but generally I avoid lots of social media.
What I wonder about is whether others have successfully transitioned from a situation where the two activities (running a business and caring) are both delivered less well because of the other, to a situation where both make the other better. I kind of feel it must be possible, but I’m not sure how yet. This challenge is quite similar to the bigger transition challenges that I address with engineering - from a climate disaster to a climate-stable future, from a pollution disaster to a clean future, from consumerist disaster to a prosperous and happy future… I could apply the same step by step process!
Maybe I’ll share my thoughts in a LinkedIn article: “how to be a brilliant family carer and run a brilliant business” . Look out for it… are we allowed to share links to something like that on this forum?
All the best,
Daniel
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Hi Daniel - I’ve just seen your other post, too: I've just found this forum
@Charlesh47 and @Melly1 can share community guidelines about sharing/promoting a LinkedIn article.
Given your questions and thoughts, may I offer a few well-meaning questions:
- Have you thought about the expectations you’re setting for yourself? Can you articulate what you mean by “be a brilliant family carer and run a brilliant business”
As a single human being with 24hours in a day where you require time to eat, sleep you have finite energy and time.
- What is ‘Brilliant’? What does "success’ look like each day for you?
Reconciling what you can and can’t do, and setting realistic expectations, go a LONG way toward not setting yourself up to fail at both.
My recommendation: avoid perfectionism, and try to avoid self-frustrating - doing things that you know will definitely exacerbate stress, and focus on small consistent wins. I set groundrules and basic understanding with clients to level set expectations…but this also means I decline work. This all depends on the nature of your business. Curating a new normal, can still be ambitious but it’s a personal definition.
Hope that helps
Brilliant to me means stable, having the capacity to continue to meet needs within constraints … so not too ambitious, not greedy. Just enough work to pay the bills and provide the stability to fulfil caring responsibilities.
I have lowered my expectations considerably to minimise overheads and maximise flexibility. Because of the different demands on my time I may have reduced expectations too much… it’s quite possible that I have got the balance wrong and that’s why I struggle to get work.
What I’m thinking about is whether a shift is possible in the way of thinking about this balance, to change from the situation in which caring and work oppose each other and require effort and sacrifice to achieve a balance, and a situation in which they support each other so both can flourish. Instead of striving to make the conflict less bad, I would like to use my energy to make both roles better.
I don’t expect anyone to do this for me, but it would be good to share thoughts with people who might recognise the challenge and be excited about the possibility of a change.
I’ve been caring for my daughter for 25 years, and running a business for 25 as well.
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I found there is another similar forum on here Self employed and carer! . If there’s a way to link them that would be good. It has the subtitle “benefits finances and funding” so it might be intended with a narrower focus than I think is useful for self-employed people who are also carers - including as noted
How to do well at both roles, rather than less well at both.
How to decide how much to tell potential clients.
Does anyone know how to link posts?
How much to share about your caring role with potential clients?
I recently had some discussions with a potential client who wanted to see my org chart. I explained that I’m self-employed and a director of a one-person company. AT first they said that in this case an org chart is not needed, but then I thought that means we miss out on being able to lay out our responsibilities and how we do relate to other professionals, even if they aren’t in the same organisation. The question is - would you include on your org chart the enormous and important role of Unpaid Family Carer? If you do, does it show that you can’t give so much to clients, or does it show that you can give more?
I’ve created two org charts, one with and one without, but I’m not sure how I can share here.
Thanks Victoria, those are helpful thoughts - some of which already covered.
I’m very happy to not do what I can’t do - things like making the house look perfect, having a comfortable bank balance, owning new stuff, going on fancy holidays, knowing all the jargon. .
Defining what is a brilliant carer is of course individual, but would include enabling your dependent to meet their potential and to have a fulfilling life, and to advocate for them to all the agencies. A brilliant business would be one that meets needs within constraints, that has enough work to earn enough revenue to pay the bills and that delivers value for clients and shares valuable learning with professional peers - obviously this all depends on the nature of the business - not just one that earns lots of money.
It’s interesting what you say about small consistent wins - I have a bunch of activities that are things I know I can do well and that people appreciate; including unpaid NED work, community work. These keep me sane.
Sadly I haven’t had the luxury to decline work.
Question about sharing roles & responsibilities.
I hope this question does not contravene forum rules. I’m trying to collect opinions from other people who are carers AND self-employed about how much they share with potential clients, given that caring can take up a big % of the available working week and is a huge responsibility.
I can’t share the diagram I just created, but it’s an org chart, which some potential clients want to see. One version just shows “professional” roles (client work, delivery of training, NED roles) and one also shows “carer” roles (care itself and advocacy/liaison with all the agencies). Personally I’m a fan of transparency and I believe that the skills we gain in the caring role add value to the work we do for clients (at least in my advisory/strategic work).
Does anyone have an opinion about whether the caring role should effectively be hidden, or shown?
I never did any org charts! It was such a niche business that if anyone wanted certain information or spares I was the “go to” person in the UK - all related to our old lorry. Have you ever watched “Train Truckers”? We restored two vintage lorries for Maurice Alleley, founder of the business.
Thanks Bowlingbun! The kind of work you do makes a huge difference. My clients are businesses. If I were part of a big company the clients would want to see levels of responsibility and relationships with different people. I wonder if my caring role, if it is not obvious, makes me look like a part-time worker, and if sharing this will help everything work together. I’m sure I can’t be the only person in this situation.
Next time I need lorry parts I’ll come to you. I understand how keeping old machines is good for mental health - I have an old bike!
Sorry, all 30 tons of spares gone now, more or less, but the odd straggler appears now and then in unexpected places!