Newbie to forum really needs your guidance xx

I am new to carersuk and to using a forum for help, but I realised tonight that I really need help and advise.
I had a chat with a friend, but although they are and have been wonderful, they really cannot understand how truly overwhelmed I feel at the moment.

My husband of 30 years has just had his second major open heart operation, where they rebuilt his heart and reinforced the work they had previously done 17 years ago, which was replacing his aorta with dacron tubing and giving him a mechanical heart value. He had cancer a couple of years ago and sepsis twice - a real over achiever!!

We have been running our own travel company from home for the past 11 years, but sadly it has been dramatically effected by recent political and economic uncertainty.

It suddenly occurred to me that other people caring for loved ones would be able to help me and perhaps I can help them.
I looked after my mother who had MS when I was young, (I will be 61 this Sunday!), and have cared for my husband in the past, but somehow this time it is different.

Our friends have been wonderful but they live too far away, (we live in Kent), so I have been looking after my husband and 2 dogs plus trying to operate the business and house by myself since he was discharged from hospital early December, only 7 days after his operation.

Your help and guidance would mean so very much to me.
Thank you and all the very best to you all.

I’m glad you found us! Usually one or more of us have our knowledge, opinions and experiences to share. I expect others will be along over the weekend. xx

Hello Nicky and ask welcome to the forum
You have a lot on your plate.
Unable to advise you at the moment, but others will be along with practical advice.
It’s a very supportive forum, has been to me anyway

Thank you, hope I did not go on too long

You can’t keep up this workload, something has to give, before your health collapses. I had to give up my business too, but I couldn’t keep working until 1am to meet deadlines after juggling the needs of disabled mum and son.


Welcome to the Forum. I care for my 80 year old husband. You do sound as if you have a lot of things to deal with right now. This is a very supportive group and a safe place to discuss things.

I do appreciate the the business is very hard work right now but it is an interest for you. Is there any way you could scale it down? I always regret not working as frankly being a carer is hardly emotionally or intellectually stimulating and I really miss not being able to do vol work too. I think what most of us will tell you is that you have to look after yourself before you can look after anyone else!

Do you have any outside help re: cleaning of the home etc.

I am afraid the length of time your have been a carer. And with increase of age. What we could do readily before now seems more daunting. You are properly tried and drained. The uncertain future of everyone’s health and financial issues. Are weighing on you heavily.

Who walks the dogs although if you do this yourself. This may bring some light relieve. Here again perhaps some outside help - even if temporary.

Hey Nikki, I’m in Kent too (near Sevenoaks). I hear you. If you need help, shout xxxx