Re-introduction to my caring situation

Hello, I’d joined the forum many years ago, then due to IT issues spent a lot of time offline and forgot about my account!
I’m an unpaid carer for my partner, and have been for over 10 years now. He was originally working, but gradually went from having kidney stones, to developing a neurological condition called Functional Neurological Disorder which progressed enough that he can’t safely cook, wash etc without risking falling, can’t leave the house unaided etc. more recent developments are blood pressure issues, signs of heart failure and diabetes. That’s not to mention the mental health issues.
I’ve also been through the mill a bit (cancers and radical surgery), so it’s all been a bit difficult.
Now I’m trying to get myself organised enough to sort out life to make it easier and better for us. Hopefully I can find quite a lot of the information I need on the website and forum between them.
One upside of the pandemic is that when I returned to work after my cancer treatment finished, I was able to work from home, and still do. This has made caring easier as well as being less tiring for myself. Still heavy going though, and mentally exhausting as well. It’s hard to get your own health back on track while looking after someone else who needs a lot of help.

Anyway, hello :wave:t2:

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Are you sure your husband is getting all the help and support and benefits he is entitled to? Financial assessments can be done jointly or individually. So if he is on ESA or similar then he might be eligible for free care from Social Services although you are working. Then he should be offered Direct Payments which can be used very flexibly to meet his needs. Maybe domestic help on the days you are working, for example? Is he claiming exemption from Council Tax as he has a neurological disorder which may be classed as a severe mental impairment? Money doesn’t make anyone better but can make life easier.

Welcome back to the Forum, Pegasus. I expect you have had a good look round the other topics. You may find some situations similar to yours, which could be helpful. If you have anything specific you would like to discuss, feel free.

Thanks for the advice, he got help from a benefits advisor a while back so we are confident he’s getting all the financial aid he is due (except self directed support, which he is still to apply for - originally concerned he’d be forced to use it for the council care workers which he didn’t want to do, so didn’t apply).
My main issue before getting support people in, is that due to his mental health he has problems around that. He doesn’t like strangers coming to the door (high anxiety, sends blood pressure up) so that means the council social support services are out as you will get a different person every time. Plenty of private support agencies around us, which would make it easier to stick to the same 2/3 people coming in, but the other worry is do they share information to other providers, the council etc. I don’t see that happening due to GDPR, but I need to find something official in the care act or similar, that confirms they can’t do that unless there are genuine welfare concerns. I don’t even know why it’s a concern to him, but he does have high anxiety and family members had poor experiences in the past, so maybe that is why. It’s not even like there’s anything of concern to report, but I can understand the anxiety. And they can’t force him to choose their support workers and pay them instead of another agency. I need to sort something out there soon, as I definitely need to be able to take a proper break.
I’d also thought a regular cleaner would be good to get in, as that’s something I struggle to keep on top of. I need to find someone for that soon, again there are loads of small companies offering that service around the area, so it’s down to me to do something about it.
Will need to go have a proper look around the forum, I’m sure a lot of the info I need is in there :slightly_smiling_face:

Thank you :slightly_smiling_face:. I’ve not looked about much yet, but as today is a non working day for me I’m going to have a good look this afternoon

I understand about not wanting strangers in the house. My arthritis is so bad now that I too need a cleaner to do the jobs I can’t do myself any more. Not being able to kneel after my knee replacements is a real nuisance, but I can walk and am pain free. Cleaning for me would be a great job for a mum of school age children, I’ll advertise in the pub down the road first, it’s very much an old fashioned “local” and most customers know my eldest son.
Maybe advertise privately once he’s had a Needs Assessment done? I already have some “mechanical slaves”. I’d be lost without a tumble dryer, dishwasher, air fryer and Magimix. Today I’ve made a spag bol for tea, my grandson comes every Wednesday and it’s one of his favourites. He’s not a great fan of vegetables, but the spag bol has 1lb of carrots in it, all grated within seconds in the Magimix, and 2 cans of tomatoes. It also means I can make cakes in a jiffy, in fact cake making is often grandson’s wet weather activity. I know that new, a Magimix costs a lot, but my first one cost me about £3 at a jumble sale!!! The air fyer is a huge time saver. I freeze sausages individually, and then cook them from frozen.

I hadn’t looked at Magimix, it sounds good. I definitely fancy an air fryer. Definitely need to look into that once I’ve got the kitchen decluttered and have some storage space again.

That’s a good point about local noticeboards, I hadn’t thought of checking them out. Supermarket also has an adverts board, so will look there too