Hi im new here,
Im a carer for my partner of 18 years, 5 years ago he got really ill with sepsis after a stay in hospital we found out he is type 1 diabetic since then it has gone downhill. He using insulin and does everything hes ment to but keeps getting worse. Hes now got kidney damage and has lost his sight. We are back and forth to the hospital all the time and has had numerous operations to save his sight (normally restoring one eye for 6 months before it goes again) this time both eyes have gone so can only see shapes under lights at the moment. He has no support from his family and we are both struggling at the moment. We also have 3 children and i have my own health problems too. Im really scared at the moment as i have never seen him in such a low mood. Any advice would help?

Hi Madmommmma,
That sounds like a dreadful situation, hopefully we can give you a few ideas to help make things a bit better. First a few quick questions, will be back later.

How old is your husband?
Presumably he can’t work now. What did he used to do?
How old are you, and what are your own health issues?
How old are your children?

Do you own or rent your house?
Have over £46,000 in savings?
Claiming PIP/DLA/PIP?

During all these trips to hospital, has anyone ever arranged any post operation Reablement Care for him?
Have Social Services ever done a Needs Assessment for him, and a Carers Assessment for you?
Has anyone suggested a Young Carers Group for your children, if under 16?

Hes 38 no he cant work now he used to be a driver but they have took his licence away as not fit to drive. im 34 i had to give up work to become his full time carer. Im currently waiting on biopsy results as i had cancer 9 years ago and im having the same symptoms again.
My children are 16, 12 and 10
We private rent which is killing me but have just been nominated for a house but not sure if i will get it due to rent arrears
We claim pip at the moment
We do not get any support from anyone, i have been to citizen’s advice but they was not very helpful
It just seems every time we take a step forward we take 10 steps backwards cant help but feel like drowning.

Start by asking Social Services to do a Needs Assessment for your husband and a Carers Assessment for you.
His Assessment should look at what he NEEDS for daily living. Do NOT let him say “my wife does that”.
Your assessment should look at what you need him to have help with, so you can take a break.

Your husband must feel the loss of freedom driving gives. My late husband had a Class 1 licence, my son also has one. We used to have an Atkinson Borderer, which pulled a King low loader, only used privately for our steam engines. I have lots of friends who drive HGV’s!

Are you claiming Housing Benefit? Are the Housing Department aware of your husband’s operations and disability? Sometimes that can give a bit of priority.
We were on Income Support after redundancy when my sons were 16 and 14, a family of 4 average height 6ft plus, the boys were “ever open dustbins”.

Hi Madmomma,
you are dealing with an awful lot at the moment.

BB has given lots of good advice already.

In addition, the Upfront guide gives information tailored to you re finances etc - check you are claiming everything you can.

Contact the Citizens advice or Shelter for advice re the rent areas and trying to get into social housing.

Both the RNIB and SENSE offer support to those who are learning to cope with sight loss. Your husband should be matched with someone to take him out and about and teach him how to cope with reduced sight. This will give him independence, companionship with someone else and you a break.

Ask social services/local youth service what support is available for your children through Young Carers programmes. This will increase their resilience and give them a break and a chance to talk to other children in a similar situation.