Quick wins for a New Carer - Advice Please!

Hi All

Someone I know has just had a sudden death in the family that has left him looking after his mother who requires full-time care. He is in his mid 20s, doesn’t have much other family, and it must be an incredibly difficult time for him. I am looking into ways I can help, and have found a fairly large range of things I can do over the long-term, but what I really want is to be able to provide some quick wins to take a little of the pressure off while he’s grieving.

To make matters more complicated, I live on the other side of the country and actually don’t know him very well (a friend of a friend really) so can’t really help in the way my instinct says I would by simply being there.

Does anyone have any advice on help, resources, anything at all really that could help him materially or emotionally in a short time frame? I’m especially interested in things I can do on his behalf, sending a 15 page form to fill out or a load of documents to read is something I want to avoid.

Any advice would be hugely appreciated!

Thank you

Hi Edward,

I think the best ways to help are, ( in no particular order:)

~To get some dates in the diary for when you can visit for companionship/ caree-sit
~Ring regularly for chat, at a mutually convenient time
~Read the Help and advice section on here yourself, so you are informed and can advise your friend Help and advice | Carers UK
~Give your friend the encouragement to have a Needs assessment for his Mum and a Carers assessment for himself, do that he isn’t doing all the caring, (his Mum might need some persuading.)
~Persuade him to also focus on his own wellbeing: decent diet, exercise, hobbies, time out of the house.


Tell him to join our forum!

He has no obligation whatsoever to care for anyone, if someone can’t manage without help, then Social Services should do a Needs Assessment for that person and ensure those needs are met.

In addition - I think advise him he doesn’t have to do it all himself. He can be a “care manager” overseeing care rather than physically giving care every day. A social services needs assessment is the key to getting help in place. As he is still very young he needs to get out and live his life too.

The “Care Manager” idea is an absolute must for this person, otherwise he will be stuck with the relative until he/she dies. That’s the brutal reality. I know someone who was caring for his mum until she died at 104!!

Setting a deadline, by saying "I can only provide care until…then a date about a month away, will concentrate the minds of Social Services. Every SSD must, by law, have a Rapid Response Team to meet exactly this sort of need, to keep someone out of hospital, cared for in the community, when the usual carer dies or becomes ill.