I’m new around here although I can already see this is a great resource and support network.
I’m a part-time carer for elderly parents. In May I attended a professionals meeting called by the local authority (East Sussex).
I have attended similar meetings twice before, and previously I have been forwarded a copy of the minutes. However, this time - despite repeated requests - I have been met with a wall of silence.
Are there national guidelines or rules in place around the issuing of minutes to those present at professionals meetings, or do local authorities set their own guidelines? I have tried to do some online research and I can see some local authorities only issue minutes to the professionals in attendance and not relatives. I can also see that some local authorities issue minutes to all present and that people then have three days to request amendments.
I am confused, but I am also quietly enraged that the local authority has gone silent on me and isn’t communicating.
In reality , family carers are treated more like unwelcomed flies on the wall when it comes to decision making … a case of being aware that they do exist and serve a function … a case of mother knows what’s best for her children ??? )
If you have Power of Attorney they must treat you as if you were your mum and dad. So top job is to sort out POA if you haven’t done so already.
In the meantime, write a letter for them to sign, giving Social Services full permission to disclose all their records to you.
Then make a Subject Access Request for everything kept on computer about you, mum and dad over the last year. They must comply within about 30 days. Look at the Information Commissioner’s website for full information.
The experienced sceptic in me would surmise that no minutes were taken , or haven’t been written up yet, or have been lost.
As the others have said keep pushing for them officially but don’t be surprised if when they do materialise that they are full of errors.
Even if there are no minutes, if anything was said that would change a Care Plan then you are entitled to a copy of the Care plan. A Care Plan is an offical document under the Care Act and must exist, even if minutes are 'optional ’
Hi. I just want to say thanks for all your replies - it’s like virtual moral support! Over the past couple of years I have experienced so much incompetence and I suspect lies and deliberate withholding of information from some within the adult social care system, that it has become a them and us situation now. It’s not a healthy state of mind of course, but there we are!
Thank you. I think I’m going to be turning to this forum quite a bit over the coming months for practical and moral support. I guess everyone on here at some point in time arrived at the world of caring completely green and uncertain about what to do practically / financially / legally / emotionally, etc. It’s now my turn. It’s a massive learning curve.
It’s difficult to find time to do anything other than provide practical hands on care for my parents, be a father to my own children and hold down a full-time job. I don’t have much of an adult support network around me. That is why I am so frustrated by the lack of support / broken promises from some of the so-called professionals in adult social care / adult mental care. While there are some good individuals - there are also some incompetents who have caused chaos and upset.
Yep … Arnie himself would be more than welcome on here.
( Even he would need care … when the occaional screw comes loose … or fresh oiling required ? Be interesting to see his
reaction … " That will be 20 bucks per hour , squire … double bubble at weekends or on public holidays " … ??? )
Michael, I had counselling to help me. I was newly widowed, newly disabled, running a business, and trying to manage disabled mum and son with LD.
Something had to give.
Deciding clearly that my son had to take precedence over mum, as she could speak up for herself, son couldn’t, was a real light bulb moment for me.
My role for mum had to be care MANAGER not hands on at all.
Your kids must come before your parents, they have a right to a happy dad and happy childhood.
It’s vital you find some way of getting your parents sorted so you just “keep an eye on them”.
Write down all the difficulties in the way of achieving this, put them in order of priority, and then share them with us.
Always focussing on what they need, not what they want.
My mum used to drop unsubtle hints about a “live in daughter”!!! NO WAY!!!
Thank you! Your post has given me pause for thought. I recognise that I can’t continue to try and do everything (which I’m sure many people would say is the first step) - but I feel that all the individuals around me DO expect me to fulfil their own expectations. It’s tough finding the right balance.
I was taught how to avoid endless demands, without actually saying “No”.
For example, you are given a job. Whilst doing that, you are given another one.
Just say, “You asked me to do this one first, so let’s get this finished first, then we’ll deal with the next job.”
By saying YOU asked me, it’s passing the ball back, so to speak.
Then you work at the pace you are happy with, and can drag it out as long as possible.
Here are some more ideas
“It will be ages before there’s time to do that, why don’t you get a gardener/cleaner in to get it done quicker. They’d do it better than me too.”
Weeding? Remove all borders then no one has to do weeding.
Want ironing done? They need to change the sort of clothes they are wearing so they don’t need ironging.
Shopping? They can do it online.
YOU decide which jobs you want to dump most. Share it with us, and we can probably find a solution.