Not sure where to turn

I had to call the police and report my nan as a missing person with suicide risk tonight, luckily I found her at a churchyard, tearful and clearly distressed but safe. The police joined us soon after and took details etc and took us home. I live with my nan. People have been telling me for a while that I’m a carer, but she refuses help and refuses to acknowledge she struggles with anyone except me. There is so much going on in my head right now

Hello Hannah & welcome

Yes, you are a carer regardless of what Nan says. Although to night was incredible stressful and hopefully not one to be repeated. The police will have made a log of the incident. And this is helpful when trying to access emergency support and help.

You need to contact the adult team at your local social services. And state what happened and that Nan is a vulnerable adult. You can phone social services anytime. They have emergency out of hours numbers. And requires an immediate needs assessment. And you requires a carers assessment.

You also need to contact your local carers groups.

How old is Nan does she claim any benefits? How old are you?

There is light at the end of the tunnel. Either if Nan refuses help you can get help.

Thank you so much for your reply. I have briefly looked at the links, and I’ll follow up on them on Monday I think. Though I have registered as a carer with the local group this evening. I think I’ll phone the gp too on Monday. Nan doesn’t claim any benefits, she’s 75. I’m 32. I’ve tried living separate but close by before but she didn’t cope at all, threatened suicide a lot and was incredibly anxious and physically slipping away as she wasn’t eating.

Hannah Nan should definitely be claiming attendance allowance.

Do you know what tablets Nan takes.

Firstly, welcome to the forum.
I always get really annoyed when I read of young people left to care for their grandparents.
My late teens and early twenties were full of fun and adventures and you have a right to enjoy yourself in these years, they only come once.

Can I ask why you, and not your parents, are being left to deal with nan?
It’s not fair that your own young life is being gobbled up like this.
Nan clearly has some serious mental health issues that need to be dealt with in some way.
Could she have dementia?

You said you used to live somewhere else but then had to move in with her.
Where were you living before?

How to arrange nan’s care from now on depends on a number of issues.
Does anyone have Power of Attorney for her?
Does she own her house?
Does she have any sons or daughters anywhere?

Please share any of your worries and concerns with us on the forum. I’ve supported all four of my parents/in laws through their final years.
Don’t ever think “when Nan isn’t here any more I’ll…”
A friend of mine cared for his mum until she died at 104, by which time it was too late for his own dreams.
I cared for my mum for over 30 years. My husband died before her. She once complained that she was robbed of dad when he was 78, completely forgetting that my husband died at 58!!!
Older people think only of themselves and their immediate needs, as their world shrinks.
They lose the ability to see how much others are doing for them.
You MUST stick up for yourself and your right for a young happy life. We will give you all the support we can to enable this.