Not even sure where to begin

Hi everyone. This is the first time I’ve ever posted anything in a forum.

I’ve been living with and looking after my grandparents for almost six years now. My Nan had a stroke 9 years ago and is bedbound (she also receives carers four times a day) and my grandad has just last week been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. My working background is care work and you would think it would come easy enough…not anymore!
In the scheme of things it’s Grandad I’m struggling with the most.
Although honestly right now I’m just struggling. I’ve just been signed off work as I’m not coping. I feel ridiculous and so mad at myself but I just can’t seem to shake the ‘funk’ that I’m in.

I’m not entirely sure what I’m expecting from writing this on here, someone I work with said it might be a good idea but honestly I just feel like I’m moaning a lot! If I put down here everything that was getting to me I’m not sure it would ever end!

Anyway, if anyone reads this thank you for reading.

Hi Kirsti,

caring for relatives is MUCH harder than working in care; you are emotionally involved, they have different expectations and unlike paid care work, you don’t work a shift and then get to go home. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Also, you aren’t getting a break from caring as you are doing it at work and at home too.

Has your Grandad had a Needs Assessment? Do any other family members help out so that you can have a break?


Hi Kirstie, welcome to the forum.

It’s VERY tough caring for elderly relatives!
Lets’ start at the beginning.
If you can tell us if they own or rent their home?
Do they have over £46,000 in savings?
Does anyone have Power of Attorney?
Where are mum and dad?

Hello Kirstie …. You have taken the first step so well done! Many of us have had loved ones with Alzheimers (my Mum had it) and it is hard work and very sad at times. It’s good that you have carers coming in to help so make full use of them.

Check out if you have Admiral Nurses in your area (most areas do) as they deal with dementia and offer lots of support to patient and carer.

Let us know how things go. Xx

Thanks everyone.

My Grandad passed away last month after a short illness so suddenly all the little things seem irrelevant but I’m now going to be the main carer for my Nan around my work. We’re getting various bits in place to make it so I’m able to go back to work 5 days a week but shorter days than before. Hopefully we’ll get into a new and manageable routine moving forward.

Thank you all for reading.

Hi Kirsti, sorry to hear that grandad has passed away.

I’m now going to ask you a really important question. I’ll explain more depending on your answer.
Does nan own or rent her home?

Have you sorted out all the benefits Nan is entitled to?
Are you aware of the DWP Appointee scheme if Nan needs a hand with benefits?

Nan owns her house and we’ve looked at all the different benefits for her, some of which she is now entitled to. Unfortunately I will earn too much to qualify for carers allowance which means money will be tight with the bills going up as they’ve lost a fair amount with Grandad passing but we’ll manage as best we can :slight_smile:

As nan is so disabled, are you aware of the NHS Continuing Healthcare scheme?
It’s something of a postcode lottery, but all her care would be free if she qualified.
Is nan mentally OK?
Has her pension been adjusted now that she is a widow?