I care for my 76 year old husband, I’m 10 years younger. He has multiple health problems, but I also have previously had cancer. He has heart disease, diabetes & cancer, and recently has become depressed and very anxious. The anxiety renders him incapable of making even simple decisions. Our GP has prescribed medication, but he keeps saying it’s making him worse- it’s not, it’s not making him better either, but it’s easier to blame the meds for his predicament. I listen to his anxieties all day, and try to reassure him that there’s nothing in our lives to make him so anxious and upset, but we go round in circles. I have no idea what more I can do to help him, and by the evening I’m exhausted, and have to tell him I need some space, and can’t listen to it anymore. I’ve done all the housework, gardening etc for years, but I now spend hours every day trying to support his mental health and reassure him, which means I get much less done around the house. I feel I’m totally on my own looking after him, with no sign at all of any improvement in his health. There are times when I feel angry & resentful, as his mental health is ruining my life as well as his,-I don’t want to be that person. I’m not expecting any miracle cures, but I just feel lonely & overwhelmed, and have no idea what else I can do.

I’m now 70, used to be able to work all day and night, not any longer.
It’s time to take a long hard look at everything you are doing. Starting with the gardening. This is definitely a job that can be reduced drastically by flattening borders etc. then employing a gardener. Is you husband getting Attendance Allowance.
Have you had a Social Services Carers Assessment? You could ask for the gardener costs as part of the support you need for your caring role.
Has your husband had a Needs Assessment from them too?
Do you have a dishwasher, tumble dryer?

Hi & Welcome Maggie

I guess you have just retired or about too and would like a peaceful life. Wanting to enjoy your retirement and do the things you have planned in your head. Do you attend any local support groups. I think you need access to other people who understand your caring role.

When did your first notice your husbands anxieties. The tablets may well not be working how long has your husband had the prescription. Somethings it can take several attempts in getting a suitable tablet. They do say some tablets for depression can take time to work.

I think your husband would benefit him in speaking to someone else about his concerns (counselling - Mind UK). You need to be alleviated of this current situation. It sounds that you have done all you can now you need outside support.