Newbie On The Block

New to Carers Connect
1

Hi all,

I’m new here.

I’m a guy from Yorkshire who looks after his Mum (67 years old) and 2 siblings - 1 has mental health issues and has a problem with his kidneys.

After having gone though some counselling at work, I was told that I was indirectly a carer for them - I don’t claim anything. I thought it was just a part of family life where you looked after each other but there you go.

There is so much I want to get off my chest and so much I want to discuss but I don’t know which section one posts in. I was up all last night due to crazy neighbours partying away and I was reading through the forum. There are so many things I can relate to which other people are going through.

Hopefully someone can point me in the right direction and thanks for having me. I appreciate it.

2

Also, does anyone know of any carers groups in Yorkshire? They have one at work which I joined but it soon disbanded. Sometimes I feel it would be really good to have a network of people to just sit and chat with and share stories. I don’t know if this is something that happens or not but not harm in asking is there?

Thanks again.

3

Hi ONV … welcome to the forum.

Internet search … YORKSHIRE FAMILY CARERS GROUPS … reveals a few … main one being in Leeds ( Surprise , surprise ? ).

If one is too far , time for a little bit of initiative and attempt to start one yourself ?

Can be done , others … including me … have succeeded in the past to varying degrees.

( In our world , CarerLand , if something needs doing , who else is usually around to do it ? )

On the caring front , need any help / advice ?

Finances / support / housing ?

4

Welcome to the forum,

If you give us a bit more information on your family, I’m sure we could help improve things for you.
Mum is 67, what is the nature of her disability? How much help does she need from you?
Is she claiming disability benefits? When did she last have a Needs Assessment from Social Services?
Have Social Services ever done a Carers Assessment for you?

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Hi Ontheverge,

And Welcome to the Forum. You are most definitely a carer; it takes most of us a long time to realise it, as we just do what we have to do.

As for some of your questions, where to find help in Yorkshire depends exactly on what you are looking for. Social Services should be able to point you in the direction of carers organisations, or do any of these look useful?

https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/get-support/local-support?cck=local_directory_entry&art_title=&area_region=309&area_counties=&search=local_directory_search&task=search

As to where to post on the Forum, look around and post wherever you like. Either join in or post a new thread of your own, you will soon get the hang of it. Have a look under the Members Section where you will find the May Roll Call which is our equivalent of a chat over the garden fence. Just join in, don’t be shy, we were all new once.

Good luck, Anne

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Hi and welcome, OTV

Yorkshire’s a big place :wink: but if you are near York you might try

Best of luck!

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I’m sure we CAN help you get a better care/life balance, but we need a bit more information first about your carees.

Not to be in any way nosey, but there are roughly three sets of rules, for under 18’s, 18-65, and 65+.

If the crazy neighbours are partying away all night, in a house next to someone who is disabled there are special rules for that too, but we don’t have any crystal balls in stock, you need to tell us just a bit more first.

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Hi all,

Apologies for not going into detail. I wasn’t sure whether to say everything in my first post or not. Thanks for all the replies and apologies again for not having got back on sooner.

So the 3 people I care for are my Mum who is 67 - mobility issues, diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis, my sister who is in her 40’s - autism, mental age of a teenager, and my brother who is in his 30’s - mental health issues and unable to urinate without a catheter.


CHRIS

I didn’t check google. But I will do now. I hope they have some that are running during the day.

Caring wise, I am mainly after support. Finances I have no issues with and housing is OK, to an extent. I’ve been begging Mum to move with me into a smaller house or a bungalow but it falls upon deaf ears or she just ignores me for a week or two after.


BOWLINGBUN

Mum has very limited mobility. It’s been like this for forever. She can only walk a bit before she has to rest. She’s also got type 2 diabetes and now has rheumatoid arthritis which has limited her mobility even more. Her arthritis has gotten worse with time and she struggles to do even vary basic tasks like opening doors or holding a cup. I cook and clean, have to take her to all her appointments etc. She’s still able to dress and go to the toilet herself. However, when her arthritis flares up (sometimes her legs go and she can’t move them), I have to put adult nappies on her and take them off etc.

She’s on low rate PIP now. I don’t know what a needs assessment is. Sorry, is that something I should know about? I’ve never had a carers assessment done. I will have to google these things when I get time.

With regards to the noisy neighbours, the noise is unbearable but it’s Mum’s house and she is adamant she will not be moved. The Council wouldn’t help. I contacted them twice and they said slamming doors all day everyday and running around is normal household noise (I used to be on a noisy neighbours forum and this was more or less the standard response for most people who were unhappy with neighbour noise). They also don’t take an interest unless you are in Social Housing and ours is privately owned as is the animals house next door. What did you mention about special rules if someone is disabled?


ANNE001

Thanks for the link and your kind words. I will have a look through later. I’m in the Kirklees area so Huddersfield and Dewsbury but I am more than happy to travel to one.

I will look into the Social Services signposting. I actually work quite close with Social Services so can chase it up at work.


STARFISH

Thanks for that. I don’t mind travelling to York, it could be a nice day out.

9

Oh I forgot to tell you a bit more about me. I am in my 30’s and still living with Mum.

I used to work full time but when Dad got cancer, I had to reduce my hours to part time at work so someone could go to his weekly chemo sessions and help look after him at home. He soon died and then Mum asked if I could stay doing part time hours so I could help her out. Her life just downward spiralled after he died. He was a very controlling man and used to boss her around.

I work part time with the local authority in a joint venture with housing and social services. I tend to work with young adults and help them get their life back on track. Isn’t it ironic that I help others sort their lives out when mine is so messed up!

I am the youngest child and for some unknown reason, caring seems to have fallen upon me. I have spoken to the older siblings but they have no interest.

I suffer from colitis due to stress and am an insomniac. I’ve been on over the counter sleeping pills for a very long time.

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Was it something I said? Everyone’s gone all quiet… :whistle: :whistle: :whistle:

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Hi OTV.

Extremely quiet on the forum … I and a couple of others are somewhat overloaded keeping the punters happy …
both on and off the forum.

Right … caring … some links … NEEDS and CARERS assessment from your LA :
Getting a social care needs assessment - NHS

Carer's assessment | Carers UK

If they are new to you , do not delay … waiting times for both are a real post code lottery.

Benefits … everything including the kitchen sink currently being claimed ?

An online benefits calculator for an immediate financial m.o.t. :
https://www.entitledto.co.uk/

I have in mind PIP / DLA / AA … whichever one is appropriate … Carers Allowance … Housing Benefit … Council Tax
discount / disregard … shout if you need more on any of those.
( Most can claim both DLA / PIP and CA … many disabled carers around ! )

Housing ?

Owner occupied / rented … if so , social or btl ?

If social , that infamous word SUCCESSION ???

Power of Attornies in place ?

Wills ?

Done and upto date.

Your serve back … with a little interest ?

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Sorry, I usually reply immediately, but have had a manic few weeks involving both plasterers and builders, as well as a visitor from Australia. Decorators due Monday!

If you contact Social Services, they will do a Needs Assessment, looking to see what mum can and cannot do, and considering if they can make life easier for her in any way, and a Carers Assessment, NOT looking to see if you are a good or bad carer, as some people think! but looking to see if they can do anything to help you. I would suggest time off regularly as one of your priorities.

They may arrange a visit from an Occupational Therapist because of mum’s arthritis. The OT might be able to arrange automatic door openers, suggest some alternative cups, etc. etc.

My son with learning difficulties lives in a ground floor flat, all was well until a young man moved in upstairs, polite when sober, but a different story when drunk. Loud parties outside that went on to 3am in the summer, loud music inside at other times, he told me one day he dragged his mattress into the lounge to try and sleep there. The care agency called the Police, who soon sorted it out. Usually you have to ring the council, but where someone disabled is involved, it can be considered as a disability hate crime, or similar. The lad left mid way through his tenancy!!