Hello -from a new member

Hello, I am new to this.

I am single, no kids. My parents are currently able bodied but they have had some health issues in the past.

They are in their 70s. I help out with the electronical work - enails, filling in online forms, general, fr their Air Bn B. I help out with the housework. We are all getting older and I worry when the day comes where all the responsibility will be left on my shoulders.

I am struggling with the isolation, general stuff. I know I should consider myself very lucky as there are 24 hours carers put there with bigger problems than myself. I wish to reach out and chat. Take my mind off things. Love to make some online friends.
Love laugh - simple things that keep us going on each day.

Thanks fr reading this

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HI @Cuidador Welcome to the forum. Nice that you have found us.

You’ll find we are (mostly) a very friendly bunch (but watch out if I have a bad day :innocent:) we all have different experiences and different pressures, but one thing we have in common is that we all KNOW what it is like to be a Carer; the stresses and strains it has on our lives and relationships and our (lack of?) social life.

You will find a wealth of information and advice on the CUK website and the Forum is where you can tap into personal experiences and check-in for advice and also a chat (“over the garden fence” is one expression oft used to describe “Roll Call” thread which is started anew each month. There you can have a chat, gossip, moan, rant - or whatever you need at the time. Remember we ALL have off days and days which we feel we cannot cope with. A moan or chat with those who won’t judge, criticise of patronise can be a help at times like that. You can share as much or as little as you are comfortable with and you are in control of that at all times.

If there’s anything particular you want to ask or check out then there may be a particular thread running for that, so have a mooch around the list and see what takes your fancy. Often just a ‘hello, I need some advice on x y z’ is enough to start the ball rolling.

If what you need is general chat, then Roll Call is a good place to start as we share comments about our day and joke and try to lighten the mood sometimes.

I hope you’ll feel the welcome I did when first posting and I am sure very soon you’ll get more replies of welcome.

Take care and speak soon.

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Oops - I should have introduced myself too! I care for my husband of nearly 14 years but we’ve been together for nearly 30 years now. I am 62 and he is 5 years old. He suffered a stroke at New Year 2022 and we had to close our business very suddenly. Since then he’s had a rollercoaster ride with various health issues - respiratory, cardiac, prostate cancer, hypertension and latest retinal haemorrhage through which he nearly lost his sight. Had to surrender his driving licence which meant a loss of independence and relies on my for transport everywhere as we live in a rural area.

We’ve encountered issues of continence, cognitive impairment and a range of other problems but still together and living day by day.

It’s a cliche, but at times it has brought us closer together. I said recently that when I took my vows I couldn’t look G in the eye as they meant so much I struggled to voice them. They still mean as much to me now, so while there are days I wish him far enough, I could never walk out. Anyway - that’s just soppy old me.

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Hello Cuidador, welcome to the forum.
Many of us gradually became carers, just like you. Parents can manage, then need a bit of help, then a bit more. They muddle along for years until all of a sudden there is a crisis, and everything changes in an instant, forever. My husband and I cared for all four parents, all living nearby, whenever they were offered help they told people that they “didn’t need any help” because we lived nearby, without ever asking us! We were already caring for our brain damaged son, running a business from home, and running a national club. Sadly, my apparently very fit husband died suddenly in his sleep from a massive heart attack, I’ll always believe it was the stress of caring that killed him. So do NOT fall into the trap of doing everything they want at teh expense of your own life. Instead, think of BALANCING your right to a life of your own, and their need for help. Make sure you have Power of Attorney for both of them, for both Health and Welfare and Power of Attorney. For the next week, think of all the jobs you do for them. Jot them down, then think what you MUST do, keeping an eye on their money; and what someone else can do, cleaning, cooking; and what can be avoided altogether - ironing. gardening.
Make sure they have a tumble dryer and a dishwasher, and an accessible shower as well as a bath. If they are hanging onto lots of things they don’t need, help them dispose of them. Asking for help isn’t saying you don’t want to do things for them, it’s saying that you want them to be safe, happy and healthy in their own home for as long as possible!

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Hello Cui
(My dyslexia made me shorten your name.)
It will be nice to get to know you, hope you make it to roll call if that feels right for you.
I was v timid about posting at first but so glad I have braved becoming part of this forum
Welcome warmly Ula

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@Ula You are an integral part of the Forum, offering wonderful advice and SO much support

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Welcome Cuidador,
This is brief , but WELCOME to the carers central hub :grinning: .
Nice that here we dont have to feel alone , because we can post and offload our feelings 24/7.
Welcome and warm wishes to you.

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Hobbies are key. I like to bake for my friends and play bridge too. Nice to meet you.

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Maybe persuade your parents that to avoid Inheritance Tax it would be better to give property away to their children well before they die? An issue I’m currently sorting out for my sons.
Do they NEED to work financially? Or are they stuck in a rut thinking they have to keep earning when they already have enough?