Hi, Mark here. New to the forum and Carers UK. Still working, caring for two elderly parents with rapidly deteriorating health issues and a brother with learning disabilities. Feeling overwhelmed with ever-increasing support needs. Looking to chat with others who may understand.
2 Likes
Hi @Mark_20031 Welcome!
You’ll find a lot of empathy and support is available on here and many members have a wealth of experience and knowledge which can be of help.
Caring is a right pain in the 
at times.
We all need help, advice and upport form time to time so feel free to ask anything you want.
2 Likes
Hi @Mark_20031
Welcome to the forum. That’s a LOT to be juggling!
Does your brother live with your parents?
I look after S (autism and related LD) and work part time and that’s hard enough … been doing it a long time though.)
2 Likes
@Mark_20031
My circumstances are different to yours. Now an ex carer. My late husband suffered strokes vascular dementia and other health issues. I too was overwhelmed at times
Want to welcome you to the forum. You will find friendly support on this forum
2 Likes
Hi Mark, I was in a similar position a few years ago. It’s tough.
Can you tell us their ages, and whether you all live together, or separately. I found that no one really saw me as a person, just M’s mum, or E’s daughter. Is anyone talking to you about your brother’s future?
2 Likes
hi Mark - to reply click the word “Reply” at the bottom right of the message - this opens a new window at the bottom of your screen into which you can type
Here’s a photo of my message to you with “reply” showing. If you get stuck, direct message me again.
3 Likes
I’m copying and pasting this here as @Mark_20031 is having trouble replying. [quote=“Mark_20031, post:1, topic:127439”]
Hi Melly and thanks for getting in touch. Tried to reply on the post but can’t see a reply button - maybe this is because I have only just joined. My brother lives in a different town and so there is also a lot of travelling involved, particularly at weekends.
Mark are you replying on your mobile phone or a tablet/laptop?
On your laptop there should be a grey blue reply button at the bottom of the thread with a curvy arrow. If you are replying on your phone it will be a blue box with a curvy arrow but no reply word (to save space). Please PM again if this isn’t the case.
3 Likes
@Mark-20031 Further to Chris’s and Melly’s replies above
When you click on reply you’ll see that the box at the bottom is very small - however if you look to the right at the top of the reply window you 'll see an up/down arrow icon - click on that and it will open the reply window full size making it easier to type a longer post.
4 Likes
Hello again Mark,
If you are working and doing a lot of travelling, that means there is very little time at all for you. What sort of support does your brother need?
My son was brain damaged at birth, can’t read, write or do any maths but can drive a 10 ton steam roller and has a photographic memory! I was very ill when he was about 16, so he went to a boarding school, then residential college. From there he went to a lovely residential home, until new owners arrived, and it was a nightmare. Now, at 46, he lives in a privately rented flat with carer support. What would you like to happen in the future?
3 Likes
Thanks everyone, the Reply option has now appeared against each of your posts and also to respond to the post - approval must have filtered through now.
2 Likes
Dad is 94, mum is 88. Brother is 64 and lives in the community with daily carer support for walks, day trips etc during the week. Falls back on me for emotional and practical support plus weekend care. Liaising with care, NHS, DWP, bank, utilities and everything to do with his flat - have been doing this for a long time but now with mum & dad added in, workload and emotional drain is significant.
2 Likes
@Mark_20031….Hi, welcome to the forum from me too. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I’m glad you’ve reached out to the forum. I was a carer for my husband who had numerous health conditions and is now in assisted living, it’s a long story so I won’t go into it but would say that this forum has been a big help to me over the last few years and is a great space for you to reach out to others for support.
2 Likes
Hi @Mark_20031 Welcome
I’m imagining an extra extra extra long To do list - geez! To state the obvious but think it’s worth saying - you’re only human and there are only 24hrs in the day. Without knowing you I can safely say you’ve been doing amazingly and SO much.
Here in the forum, feel free to vent as much as you want/feel comfortable with - we get it.
Let us know if you have specific questions we can help with.
We get the emotional drain and being tired will make your responses snappier and guiltier after…I’m hoping you have some friends or good support so that you can get some sleep / brain space at least.
best wishes
2 Likes
Hi @Victoria_1806, thanks for your thoughts and another warm welcome. Has been great to hear from different people who appreciate the carer’s world. Emotional drain and guilt do both feature highly and interesting that you picked up on this.
2 Likes
@Mark_20031 YUP we’ve all been there so you’re not alone.
..when we were caring for Dad a VERY long period of palliative and end of life that was fractious and constant hypervigilance…2019 my brain was stuck on nasty inner-critic mode…
the only thing that worked for me during the worst of it was having 1 hour to myself everyday, covered by private help support, and I’d walk to the gym, run on the treadmill and walk back…it was a robotic scheduled routine just to keep going,
Not everyone can do something like that - and not everyone’s into doing a run! I’ve no idea what could work for you, just sharing that the inner critic stuff is harsh..
Ohhh and definitely make ‘should’ a swear word - if you start realising how much outside expectations are driving that inner critic you may be less inclined to listen to it!
hope that helps in some way!
2 Likes
Thanks Victoria and good to hear how you coped with it. My big escape is cycling, always feel better when I get back and always try to make time to get out a few times a week.
2 Likes
@Mark_20031 Good for you! It’s great to hear you’ve found something that works for you.
I was never a big fitness person and I always found it weird that I had more energy after the gym …until I did a bit of research around somatic therapy via movement. My overactive brain needed an outlet and movement enabled that