Newbie - carer for my mam

Hi, I’m new on this forum. I’m a carer for my mam. She had a major operation 3 years ago and was just recovering from it last year, she still needed me to go to the shops with her and couldn’t fully manage on her own. Last year, end of November, she went in for an operation, was recovering well then got two serious infections, recovering from those she caught covid in the hospital. She is now in rehabilitation and hates it, been in for around two months now, she’s just waiting for the care package to be arranged for her coming home. I keep telling her that she is probably better off in there as long as possible as she will be getting 24/7 care and recovering quicker. I live with her and I’m currently working from home, I’m worried about her coming home as I have a feeling, from her previous operation, that she will be demanding and expect me to see to her at the drop of a hat. We are getting carers in twice a day.

Hello Karen and welcome to the forum

It sounds like you’ve been through a lot with your Mum. It’s nice to hear she’s recovering but once she’s home you’ll need support with caring for her and meeting your own needs too. Have a look through our help and advice pages for information on practical, emotional and financial support and working and caring:

Best wishes


Mum is entitled to six weeks of FREE Reablement Care. It is really important that she relies on them to do everything that she needs. Twice a day isn’t enough. She also needs to think for herself how to arrange things that are in reach (my mum had a 3 tier tea trolley), what she needs to drink, and when (mum had a Thermos that carers filled for her, and in between, cartons of juice or a jug of water) and how to get to the toilet. I’m not a fan of commodes, far too smelly for me. I prefer a caravan Porta Potti with a special Porta Potti frame round it, that the Occupational Therapists can organise. Just make sure the carers don’t pretend they can’t empty it!! We used to go caravanning every weekend in the summer, emptying is quick and easy, and they don’t smell.
You need to decide what you will and won’t do. For example if you have a tea break, set a time, and tell mum (I’ll bring you some tea at 11am).
Give her a notebook to write down jobs she needs doing for the CARERS not for you. They should be cleaning mum’s room, doing her laundry, preparing her food. It’s going to be difficult for you to step back. Just remember that jobs you do in these 6 weeks you may well end up doing for the rest of your life. Before the 6 weeks end, Social Services should do a Needs Assessment and arrange the care mum needs from then on.

Thank you for the advice. I’ll have a look at the link and I’ll ask about the caravan potty. I’ll certainly ask mam to write a list of what she needs doing too