New to this Forum and Site

Hello everyone

I have been directed to here by my employers OH Dept.

A little bit about me and my situation…

My mum has lived with me in my home with my child for a number of years and has been a good support for me over the years. Unfortunately Mum was diagnosed with a malignant melanoma during the first lockdown which had spread to lymph nodes. Following surgery where 32 lymph nodes were removed, we were told 11 were affected and further treatment will be needed by oncology.

Mum has just started immunotherapy treatment consisting intravenous courses every 6 weeks, blood tests every 3 weeks, telephone appointments between and this will be for a 12 month period.

I contacted Social Services last year who came and fitted stair rails, a bathroom rail and provided a step to help mum get in and out of the bath (shower is over the bath). Mum has arthritis in her knees and would be better off not having to climb stairs at all but we have no ground floor bathroom. I have a garage conversion and awaiting further assessment by OH for consideration of means testing for further help/assistance if they deem its required.

Long term we need to look at adding an en-suite downstairs where mum could be permanently as she really struggles with stairs but at present it’s just not affordable. Mums mobility has drastically deteriorated over the last 12 months as has her memory, general fitness and occasionally her mood although she has always been a very stubborn person at times. Her memory is the most worrying and she is often confused/forgetful and she does on occasion say some strange things, I’m monitoring this and keeping a record in case there should be a need for intervention.

I am fortunate to be able to work from home, my employers are doing all they can to support me but we have no close family nearby having relocated to the area many years ago. I have a teenage child who would normally live with me fulltime but who will now live with my ex partner once again (as previously prior to mums surgery due to COVID and now that mum is classed as extremely vulnerable). I have found so far that I have coped extremely well given I’ve not missed a day of work (I work 12hr shifts on a 4 on 4 off rotation) but at times I’m exhausted.

I would welcome any helpful suggestions or advice.

Many thanks

Hi Trooper

And welcome as there was a social services visit over a year ago. And Mum (age ?) has further declined I would be requesting a follow up visit. There are other bath ids for getting in/out etc. Is it not possible to fit a stair lift. I know these can be expensive but not as much a house extensions.

Mum has had a need assessment have you had a carers assessment.

Who is providing Mums personal care.

After a serious car accident that left me unable to climb stairs properly, only on “all fours” my son converted my garage for me. I have an ensuite that is about 8ftx8ft. Bath on the left (low sided) and a piece of kitchen worktop the other side, with a washer/dryer underneath and an inset sink. Taller than the average washbasin but as I’m nearly 6ft tall, not a problem. Mine has lots of Celotex insulation, it’s really warm and cosy, all done to meet the latest building regs, so has full permission.
How old is mum?
Do you have Power of Attorney?
Does she have over £23,000 in savings? (yes/no)
Do you have any brothers and sisters?

Thank you for the replies and to clarify/answer…

Mum is in her early 70’s. We have not had a OH full assessment yet due to covid just a simple visit by a council worker who was able to assess and provide rails etc.

My stairway is not suitable for a stairlift and if I’m honest I personally would not like one fitted to my home. I would much prefer mum to have her own private shower room as with age I’ve no doubt her needs will increase. I work 12hr shifts including nights and need to think about long term when I eventually return to work leaving her alone potentially so being upstairs would not be safe.

I do not have power of attorney currently and although do have brothers and sisters they are not local being over 200 miles away so I am pretty much alone caring for her. At times I have also done personal care, particularly after her initial operation and I imagine there will be times coming up when again I will need to assist. Savings wise, considerably lower than 23k and therefore unable to afford a small extension.

Again, thank you for your replies :slight_smile:

Google “Disabled Facilities Grant”. First step in the process is a Social Services Needs Assessment and an Occupational Therapy Assessment which SSD should arrange.

Hi Trouper, welcome to the forum

The efforts you’re making for your mum are admirable, this is a difficult time for carers for all sorts of reasons.

We’re running series of online weekly meet ups for carers to get together and chat informally. People say they’ve found it really helpful and supportive and it’s nice to be able to take a little bit of time for yourself. There’s no pressure to share any more than you’re comfortable with. Join up details are here:

Do join if you’d like to

Best wishes