New to this and worried about my Mum

New to Carers Connect
1

Hi,
I live with my 89 Year old Mum and I really believe she is developing some form of dementia. She frequently does not recognise me and asks where Alison is or when will she be home. She sometimes asks me where I sleep or what she should call me. We have seen nurses, had blood tests, and eventually saw a doctor (I was very cross that he used the term dementia in front of her without asking me first). She has had 2 memory tests, performing really well both times!! She gets attendance allowance, but the doctor refused to sign the form so we could get a reduction in council tax. I work full time as a Secondary school TA, but only a 5 minute walk away from home. However, I am also worried about the COVID risk as I work closely with the kids in the school. Mum is also partially sighted and has mobility problems.

All in all I feel a bit abandoned by the health system. Mum can perform really well when others are watching her, but when she is relaxed at home, especially later in the day it can be so upsetting. She told me off the other day for going out the previous evening and not bringing her meal and her drink! I was there the whole time. Should I keep pushing with the doctor, or just wait and see how things develop?

2

Hi Alison
Welcome to the forum.
Has your mother been tested for urinary tract infections? They can mimic dementia, and cause dreadful confusion. That needs to be ruled out.
My husband had vascular dementia, and when tested for it the 1st time, he answered questions did maths amazingly! Until the Doctor asked him what year we were in. He said 1980. This was 2015. The Dr said he was tired. How wrong he was.
I would keep a diary if possible, and make notes of all of the concerning issues. You will have to push I’m afraid and very sadly.
Does your mother appear worse when it starts getting dark? Many dementia sufferers do. It’s known as sundowning.
I’m very sad to read your post. It’s heartbreaking to watch a loved one deteriorate in this way.

3

Record mum at home on your mobile phone.
Keep a diary.

My sister in law went to the doctor several times before their concerns were taken seriously. Only when she went to the shops and didn’t know where home was (of 30 years) was notice taken. She died last year at 73.