New to forum

5 days before lockdown by sister called me, to say mum now 93 was on her way to hospital, with a worsening problem with now continuous nosebleeds. Could I come? And stay for a while. My sister’s husband has mnd. I got in the car and drove the 60 miles to the hospital and collected mum and have been here since then.
Obviously it’s been an abnormal and difficult time. Mum has been frightened by the ongoing news although sometimes optimistic too. She’s used to going out and about. Although falls have limited that over the past few months. I worked for children’s services in the midlands for many years, but I now know more of the reality! We cancelled the very limited support she received from a care agency when I arrived, with the agency advice. and she has accepted meals twice a week as an alternative, I am ok but getting tired, and missing my home, and friends, although that’s true for all of us. Limited on line connections from a hot spot mean I do talk to other folks, my sister and friends from home. My sister, husband etc do live locally but obviously we can’t have contact. I am concerned re mum being alone and her more general care needs. She has been awarded an attendance allowance. I plan a weekend home in 2 weeks if that is possible but have undertaken to return to sort what I can. She is extremely independent. I am able to walk to the sea which is bringing some calm and refreshment

Like many others, you have dropped everything at a moment’s notice, and are now stuck with no “get out clause”.
It’s difficult to know how you can sort this out given the current Lockdown. It’s a real shame you cancelled the support she was getting, when it could have been increased.

The longer you stay, the longer mum is going to miss you when you leave.
Realistically, your sister needs help and support with her MND husband too.
At 93, mum is nearing the end of her life, and I suspect you were retired?

Mum has to choose if she wants to stay home alone, with a call alarm if she falls etc.
Or to move into warden assisted care or residential care.

Make it clear that you staying there full time is NOT AN OPTION.
Keep saying that you need to be home at your place and your own life.
A friend of mine agreed to care for his mum. She lived until she was 104.
By that time he was too old himself to realise many of his dreams. Don’t let this happen to you.

Hello Vivien, welcome to the forum.

Sorry to hear you’re finding yourself in a difficult situation with virtually no warning, I’m sure many on here can sympathise with that.

It’s important to make sure you’re getting all the help you can for your Mum, and yourselves. Have a look through our information pages to see what you are entitled to:

Local support can be useful to:

Best wishes