New to forum but carering for mum since 2003

New to Carers Connect
1

Hello everyone
I have been caring for my parents for years mum diagnosed with crohns back in 2003 . Helped with her care she went into remission for 5 years and had a fall which then made her very I’ll . Could not get her back into remission on long term steroids till 2016 taken into hospital and had stoma bag fitted father also died of cancer whilst mum was in hospital . Mum got on with life not walking far being pushed in wheel chair due to long term steroid use and not walking much wasted muscles taking her out at weekends while I had a full time job.

Covid hit lost job and mum seemed to deteriorate just sitting in chair not wanting to do anything.
Started becoming unwell. Took them a year to determine she was having a crohns flare up.

So have been caring for mum since march 2020 full time.

Recently in may become severally unwell with high temp .spent 12 weeks in hospital with an infection think cellulitis turned to sepsis giving her sepsis delirium. Whole time in hospital refusing to eat and drink. Not being nice to hospital staff , not working with them or walking.

Finally got her home with carers and was doing really well, still waiting for outcome of dementia or still sepsis delirium.

But things are going downhill again carers came in yesterday and mum supposedly kicked her leg at one of the carers and being offensive calling them fat . They have now sent email cancelling care as of Thursday. Just don’t know where to turn or what to do as don’t want her back in hospital as they did not help her (long story).

Any advice help would much appreciated at this time.

2

I wonder if a care home can help

3

Hi Donna
What a terrible time your mum has had and you in caring for her.
Please phone the Carers helpline in the morning to discuss this with them for guidance.
0808 808 7777

Have a doctor appointment to examine your mum to see if she is dementia or sepsis.

I am thinking of many things but I am no expert here, they are just my thoughts.
Firstly - the carers are they the post hospital care? are they provided by soc services?
if so phone soc services as an emergency
if not phone social services as an emergency
Discuss with them if your mum has had an unsafe discharge
Discuss the options with them about your mum

I am thinking of questions against the hospital but that is going way off anything I know about.

4

Hi Donna,
You have been a brilliant daughter, but there are limits to what a loving daughter on her own can do.
No one can be forced to care.
My mum was very frail at the end of her life. Several times she was discharged not because she was well again, but because they wanted their bed back!
Unfortunately, I did too much then. Although she died 7 years ago now, I have never truly recovered.
Sometimes we have to consider our own wellbeing.
You have to decide what to do next, mum can’t.
When did you last have a proper holiday?

I found counselling at this time really helpful.
Someone not focussed entirely on mum, or my disabled son, but me!