Hi, I am new to Carers UK and need some support before I break down. I look after my parents, mum has recurring bladder cancer and is being investigated for ovarian now and dad is being investigated for numerous problems and has lymphoma. Dad also has big balance issues. Since December, his whole life has turned upside down, he doesn’t drive anymore and now he walks and talks very slowly. He keeps having falls which is so worrying for us. I am struggling to take time off work and constantly live in fear when they call me. This morning he had another fall and was unconscious, he’s currently been sent to hospital, I wanted to know , how can I get a car alarm for him? I need someone who can help organise this for them as I work full time so struggle to take time off as already it is affecting my work and life. I also wanted to enquire about who can help them with attendance allowance, blue badge and dial a ride. I’m newly married but I’m just caring for my parents as they don’t understand many things. I am really struggling; please can someone advise me where I can get help?
Many Thanks
hi @Sital ,welcome to the fourm. Have you spoken to your parents gp or social service? If not that where I would start 1st and do your best to lay it on think that you are not right. it worth haveing a look on your local council website for some of the information. Also contact citzen advice for help but you can also contact the carers helpline by email or phone, they will help but give them some time if by email as they get lots of email.
all the best
Hi @Sital - Welcome to the forum!! First a BIG hug - geez you have loads on your plate with both of your parents suffering from cancer.
My Dad had bladder cancer that destabilised his heart condition amongst other issues and my Mum has cancer too.
The best thing you can do right away is call Macmillan Cancer Support https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/get-help?sc_camp=970C6EDF35E54314AC7E65656E4A746A
There’s usually someone affiliated with your local hospital
They can sort out blue badges, attendance allowance and other things for your parents - either themselves or with citizens advice
Maggies is another charity support organisation who are brilliant - they have centres in different parts of the UK and you can contact them here: https://www.maggies.org/
These two organisations can give practical actions-support
May I suggest before you call, you list out what each of your parents can and cannot do
Your GP can activate occupational therapists if you haven’t had their support already. They can put rails in the house, and get your parents ‘walkers’. If your Dad can get used to using it it’ll help. I may also be wise for him to use a Urinal bottle at the edge of the bed instead of trying to go the toilet in the middle of the night.
At night, if someone has low blood pressure when they get up their BP can drop suddenly and cause a fall.
MOST helpful could be contacting your local Hospice - you may not need their support right now BUT they can perhaps offer some intermediary support or advice. I highly recommend connecting with them as it sounds like you’ve not much support and they will know whats available locally: You can find your local hospice using this: Hospice Care Finder | Hospice UK
Welcome to the forum. I hate to think of you newly wed life being so badly affected. It’s such a special time of your life. I hope we can help you to get your parents extra help.
Please forgive me if I’m jumping to the wrong conclusion, but I’m wondering if your parents expect you to do everything because that’s what they had to do for their parents, maybe in another country?
Often the people needing care are in denial, our parents were. All four lived nearby, all very ill towards the end of their lives.
They would tell social workers they were doing fine, or that we were happy to do everything they needed, without asking us! Completely ignoring the fact that we had a brain damaged son and a business to run.
Sadly, as a result, my husband died soon after his dad. I developed a life threatening illness, my consultant said I’d done too much for too long without a break.
You MUST stand up for yourself.
@Sital sorry to hear this, I would go to Citizen’s Advice who are amazing. Also GP and contact Adult Social Services to get carers in place. Do not be afraid of kicking up a fuss. You need to fight for the rights you and they have.
Protect your own mental health, being newly married is hard enough so take care and use this forum to vent, I found it really helps.
Sending hugs x