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Carers' health and wellbeing
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Hi everyone, I stumbled across this forum after a particularly challenging day with my dad yesterday. I am what you might call a long distance carer as my 90 year old dad lives 4 hours drive away. I’m 59 and finding it increasingly exhausting as time goes by: I was a part time carer for my mum until she died 2 years ago and now my dad lives alone and refuses most outside help. I have siblings but they try not to get involved. When I drive back home I’m completely drained and I’m trying to fit my life and work into the time i have here while being a companion to my partner rather than constantly offloading to him. I understand the value of self care but I feel completely overwhelmed sometimes, guilty I should be doing more and I feel I should be able to cope better and always on edge waiting for things to go wrong which they constantly do. I feel I need some help before I have some sort of breakdown, but I don’t know where to turn. I’m fortunate enough to have put some savings by during my life so I don’t think I qualify for any benefits, but I can’t afford to pay for private counselling as the petrol gets expensive. I think I need to talk to someone but I don’t know who, any advice would be amazing,thank you in advance xx

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Hi @Cathy123, welcome to the forum. You are not alone in this as many people on here have been in the same boat. Speak to your GP for some help. It might be worth contacting the carers helpline for further advice. I find speaking to the samaritian does help to off load when others do not want to know. Your dad is going to have to except extra help at some point as you might get to the point where you need a break and the rest of the family doesn’t want to help.
All the best

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Hi Cathy, welcome to the forum, so many of us can identify with your situation.
Can I suggest that you do a pie chart covering either 7 days a week, or just a week. How much time do you spend at work, sleeping, housework etc. How much with your partner, how much “me” time? This was in a book I read called “Starting Again” by Sarah Litvinoff, Origimally written for couples splitting up, helpful to me, newly widowed, and some of it might help you too. With so much going on, when do you ever get time to chill out and relax? Counselling would be a huge help, life changing for me dealing with mum. You say it’s too expensive as you are spending so much on petrol. As the journeys are all to help dad, then dad should pay! Does he own or rent his house? Have over £23,000 in savings? That’s the capital limit for help from Social Services.

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hi Cathy welcome to the forum and nice to see new people on the forum

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Thank you so much for your helpful comments, to be honest as well, it’s helped simply knowing I’m not alone. :kissing_heart:

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Hello Cathy

Thanks for posting in Carers Connect about your caring situation and how you have been feeling. This is clearly a challenging time for you and I’m sure you’ll find the forum a friendly and supportive place to discuss how you’re feeling with other carers who understand.

In addition to the suggestions from other members, such as talking with your GP, we would also suggest the following sources of support.

  • Carers UK’s Care for a Cuppa sessions are held on Zoom once or twice a week and provide another opportunity to connect with carers and talk about how you’re feeling. You can register for upcoming sessions at Care for a Cuppa | Carers UK and it would be lovely to see you there.

  • We also run information and wellbeing focused Share and Learn sessions on Zoom each week. You can find out about upcoming sessions at Share and Learn | Carers UK

  • We have lots of recordings of previous Share and Learn sessions on our website. For example you might find it helpful to watch the Sara Challice ‘Wisdom to Empower’ sessions which are all about looking after yourself while caring. Health and wellbeing | Carers UK

  • The Samaritans are available at any time to provide a listening ear and can be contacted by telephone on 116 123 or by email at jo@samaritans.org .

  • Shout is the UK’s first 24/7 text service, free on all major mobile networks, for anyone in crisis anytime, anywhere. It’s a place to go if you’re struggling to cope and you need immediate help. It is free to text Shout 85258 from all major mobile networks in the UK

You may also find the information provided by the following organisations helpful:

If you haven’t had a Carer’s Assessment, we would also strongly suggest contacting the adult social services department at your local council to request one. The purpose of these assessments is to look at what support you may be entitled to from the local council. We have more background information about these on our website at: Carer's assessment | Carers UK. If you don’t have the local council’s contact details to hand, you can find these via: Find your local council - GOV.UK

We hope this information will help Cathy. If you would like any further advice or guidance on your situation, please email us at advice@carersuk.org

Wishing you well

Michael

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can you tell me about fibromyalgia course on zoom Michael - carers UK can you tell me when it is please

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Many thanks Michael, that’s so useful…

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Hello Jane. I think the fibromyalgia course must be being run by another organisation. I’ve asked around and we’re not aware of any such course being run by Carers UK.

Michael

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Can we make one about fibromyalgia on the website please

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Hi Jane. I’ve discussed this with a couple of colleagues and we are planning to develop a specific conditions hub on the website. We will also try to provide a Share and Learn session on Zoom focused on fibromyalgia in the coming months.

In the meantime, you may find it helpful to reach out to the charity Fibromyalgia Action UK FMA UK - FMA UK - UK’s National charity for fibromyalgia.

With good wishes

Michael

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thank you michael for this has need more information with this illness

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