Hi From Wales. I'm New Here

Hi all, I care for my 95 year old father, who has numerous health issues, inculding lung cancer, which cant be treated due to his age, so he’s receiving paliative care. I’ve been caring for him for 3 years. I’m 64 with health issues of my own. As he deteriorates, I’m finding it harder and harder to cope mentally and physically.

I’m on the app and can’t work out how to reply on here. I tried replying to you on email @selinakylie, but I got a message saying it wasnt allowed.

@selinakylie, support is thin on the ground at the moment. One of my brothers lives abroad, one lives 2 hours drive away, another sits with dad for me to go out now and then, and another sits with dad for a couple of hours, usually on a Tuesday. I work from home 4 mornings a week. Tuesdays are generally my day off. However, both brothers go away on holidays frequently, which pretty much leaves me stuck.

My children do what they can, but are all working, with young children of their own.

Along with all my dad’s other ailments, he’s just been diagnosed with early stages mixed dementia and has started pulling his stoma bag off in his sleep. This has happened 2 nights in a row, plus 3 nights ago, his catheter bag blocked at 2.30 in the morning. I’ve had less than 8 hours sleep over the last 3 days. I’m completely exhausted!

I’m hoping I can find a carerlocally who will stay over a weekend in early June so that I can visit friends. I contacted a local care company, but they charge £350 per day for a 24 hr carer.

We have a carer every morning to wash/shower and dress my father. I’m thinking of asking one of them if they could do it off the books. What do you think?

@Charlesh47 thanks for your reply. Sounds like I have it easy compared to you. I don’t know how you manage!

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@Liz_B Hello and welcome from me.
Do you get any support? Do you have a local
‘Support for Carers’? I would imagine it is quite difficult for you to leave your father for long periods? I am 63 so a similar age and I care for my medically non compliant 86 year old husband. I totally ‘get’ how difficult it is as so many of us sleep walking into caring, and needs tend to increase.

Please check out ‘Roll Call’. Regular posters share the ‘ups and downs’ of caring and there is some humor that creeps through, albeit somewhat black.

You have to take care of YOU to be able to continue caring. I cope by getting out for short periods. I have now established a small circle of local friends and they do understand that I cannot be out for long and have to ‘stay local’. I am an Admin of a Social Group and sometimes feel like Cinderella as cannot go out at night. It may be worth checking Facebook and seeing if there are any local groups near you? I know Meet Up was quite good in my area pre Covid.

Hopefully others will be along soon to welcome you. What ideally sort of support do you need?

Hi @Liz_B and welcome - as @selinakylie says, the best place to pop in and join in the conversation is on Roll Call - you can find it here. Roll Call April 2025 - Social area / Members’ corner - Carers Connect - The Carers UK online community

I cared for my elderly mum who had dementia (she died in 2022), and I care for my wife who had a spinal cord injury in 2014. We have two sons - one has autism and lives with staff support in his own home (although we still do some caring there) and our eldest son lives with us - he has physical and mental health issues.

All of which probably explains my sense of humour…

What part of Wales are you posting from?

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Hello @Liz_B and another welcome to you. You’ll find us a friendly chatty lot with oodles of experience and all willing to share and help with advice (and it’s usually good helpful advice too, rather then the “well-meaning but deluded” kind!)

Care for my husband who suffered a stroke 3 yrs ago followed by a cascade of other health problems. My Dad lived with us for a very short time as he developed dementia but I found I could not cope with is demands, mood-swings and argumentative behaviour as I was working full-time and made up things which others believed to be true (like I didn’t leave him food during the day - food he threw straight in the bin then rang friends to say he was hungry; or I threatened him with physical violence!) and because THEY didn’t see his dementia what he said was believed. Even family would not accept the diagnosis - til much later when TEHY were on the receiving end of his behaviour!!! None so blind as those who will not see!

I am not quite sure what @Charlesh47 means by his sense of humour. I have always found him to be very professional and straight laced, never cracking a joke… hang on - am I talking about the same person?

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90j9x

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@Chris_22081 Are you posting on the right Forum? About OUR Charles? ???

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Who said that?

Where am I ?

Who am I ?

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@Liz_B…hi, welcome to the forum from me too. Sorry to hear of your struggles. You’ll find this forum is a great place just to let off steam when needed and chat to others who understand.

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Hi Charles, I didn’t seem to be able to rely earlier, so I edited my original post to reply to you and @selinakylie.

I’m near Pontypridd in South Wales.

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My father-in-law was from Swansea, but I’ve not visited Pontypridd yet.

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