Hi, I’m new to Carers Connect. I am a part-time carer for my Mum who is in her late 90’s. She is blind, has chronic pain and cognitive issues and a raft of other medical conditions. She is struggling with day to day life and has also become. on occasions, angry and nasty to me. She lives in a warden patrolled flat, and has reluctantly got carers for a welfare visit daily. She had wanted to go into a care home, but at the last minute she threw tantrums and I had to decline the room as a way of appeasing her. She will not accept extra help at home. I understand that she has a lot to deal with, but I’m finding her changed behaviour really difficult. I have been on a carers course and am able to work part-time and do some activities I enjoy. I think having people to talk to that understand my situation might help. Thanks, in advance to anyone that responds!
Oh my goodness and welcome to the forum! It takes a lot to post on here - I joined last July and have never regretted it. Some of the regulars on the monthly Roll Call have held my hand through ups and downs (mostly downs!) and have been so kind and supportive.
I too have been caring for my mum, who has just hit 89. She apparently has mental capacity, but a serious heart condition which leaves her breathless and dizzy and causes her feet and ankles to swell. That would be enough, but she also has a very complicated personality and abused me and my sister emotionally and mentally and my sister physically all our lives. My sister had a psychotic breakdown four years ago over it all and is now in residential care.
For the past seven years I have accommodated all of mum’s whims and changes of mind; I got my dad into care in 2019 as she wasn’t tolerating his Alzheimer’s and he was neglected and uncared for. Since he died, mum has moved house 6 times, aided by me, and has made me her lapdog basically.
I finally got her into a care home this February as her money had run out and there wasn’t enough to pay for more than the 3 hours a day she was getting from paid carers. I needed to sell the house to get her the 24 hour care her GP recommended. She chose the home, loved it and understood about the house sale, but last week decided she was leaving the care home, calling off the sale which is almost complete and returning to her now empty bungalow. I refused this time to enable her, because she NEEDS the full time care, but WANTS a double room in the home, which we will not give her. I am now the devil incarnate of course.
A bit long winded, sorry, but I feel and understand your anguish and our need to please these elderly people who think they know what is best for them, but really don’t. I am starting to get my life back together and am finding the support of the care home staff invaluable. Mum is fed, warm, comfortable and in safe hands. And she has run out of choices now. Do keep in touch. 