Welcome to the forum @RootyTooty (nice name! 
)
I’m really glad you’re reaching out and posted. You are NOT a fraud, hon! Every person here has a painful story and your is just as important, meaningful and needing support as anyone elses..many of us have been here for a while so we can tell you that everyone here has BIG empathy, can giggle with dark gallows humour and will support you. You’re not alone. Several members have similar experiences to what you’ve shared.
ALL your feelings are completely normal - I’d add rage, frustration, sadness, exhausted and many others alongside the ones you’ve shared.
You’ve done SO well to get so much done already - geez wow! Stairlift, pendant alarm, getting an op sorted for her contrary to what you were told - that’s a LOT of pushing and talking - we all know what that’s like here!!
Your Mum sounds like she was a very independent before her hip got worse. I’m guessing she’s a strong character and used to doing things her way if she’s managed to stay well and travelling ‘till last year…I’ mean that’s great…but it also means she’s got a lot of expectations, in addition to losing her independence…Can I just say this Needs and wishes are two very different things. She’s not resetting her expectations, instead you’re being expected to be her arms and legs, and meet her standards and wishes….not needs.
May be you did too good a job getting things sorted and becoming the Goto daughter because you did things so well!!?? As @bowlingbun has said you cannot be forced to do everything. It’s hard to set the line in the sand but since no one else is looking out for your sanity, energy and needs I’d advise taking a step back and considering what you want and choose to do and what you won’t do, and set the line now
@Melly1 has shared some really important advice - there are rehab places where trained professionals need to help your Mum get mobile again.
I’d suggest some psych 1-0-1 ideas like - “Mum, let’s optimise how you recover for the surgery so that you can get well enough to do what you love doing, like travelling and socialising and doing things how YOU want them done” Of course that means she needs proper support and help and you can’t do what experts can do
Congratulations on your marriage! I’m glad you have some emotional support. It’s lovely that your daughter is wanting to support…but I’m also glad for her that she’s moving away so she’s doing her own thing too..I thing….maybe a chiropodist can come and do your Mum’s feet (another trained expert to avoid ingrowing toe nails!)
You’re not rambling!
Feel free to ignore anything I’ve shared - I don’t know the relationship you and your Mum have..but if your siblings aren’t doing much and you’ve already done so much - that phrase your Mum used…well it looks like You are the Goto one who’ll get it done…I highly recommend setting your boundaries and teeing your Mum up for post-op rehab care so that you can choose what is right for you and your husband and practice saying NO.
best to start now before things escalate.
We’ve all got lots of experience of hospitalisation that we can share. I’ll leave you with all this here…it’s a lot! Sending you BIG hugs. You’ve been doing amazing! Time to think more about your needs now. xoxo
Geez I wrote a lot - but one last thing….come chat over in Roll Call : https://forum.carersuk.org/t/roll-call-february-2026/128086?u=victoria_1806 lots of general chat thats good to distract yourself