What to expect now

Hi, so my mum has finally accepted a care package after a conversation with a social worker. The social worker has told me she is just putting the paper work through.

Does anyone know what to expect once it goes through. I know there will be a financial assessment at some point. Other than that I don’t know what to expect inbetween

Like I wanted to know if the council would provide the personal assistant.

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Good luck. I always recommend making some brief summary notes. The council will not supply the personal assistant as that is not what happens. The PA is contracted by the care company or similar agency. You have a few options to choose from here. Now that you have achieved the first part the rest of it should be uncomplicated. Best wishes.

Thanks. I mean so will the care company be chosen by the council?

Likely the council will have certain agencies on their books that they use. The council will circulate your Mum’s care requirements to these agencies and offer the contract to the agency that say they can provide the care needed.

No you can choose a care company yourself. Do maintain a list of companies. Make sure to pay a visit to the head office in order to observe what happens. Speak to the manager of the company in question about your goals and so on. Best wishes. Also trust your gut as well. Read a few different old articles about the company or hold a meeting to discuss everything which is important.

you need to distance yourself from all of this for your own mental health and wellbeing. Let the social worker deal with this. The council broker will source the care agency and they will be commissioned to provide the care stated in the care plan.

I’m abit unsure of what to really. I want to kind of let the council deal with it. I’m only 25 abd it’s all very scary. I have no one to help me immediately, so the least pressure the better.


@Coolcar98 , we were typing at the same. Please see my post above yours.

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With how you’re feeling, put it all into the social worker’s hands. It’s why they are there.

If you have been helping mum manage her money, you must make it clear to the council that you don’t want to be involved with it any more, and they can arrange for someone from their Client Affairs Team to manage it from now on. I do hope your money and hers are entirely separate from the bank’s point of view?

They are. Mum has accepted the help, and will get a PA. Though the details I am not too sure about. I am waiting on a call rom the social worker this afternoon to tall about things in more detail. I know she is putting the assessments through. However, I don’t know what this PA has been tasked with helping mum, or how long it is going to take. I just know that amongst the tasks is taking my mum to her appointments and helping her clean. In the meantime her social worker is taking her to her most important appointments.

I just know I can’t carry on much longer. It has been two years this month since my dad died, and it has been two years of hell.

I had to represent my workplace at an RNLI public funeral earlier today. Its like what people say, it makes you think about your own life. I just know I can’t carry on. I want more in life.

I think that is the only decision you could come to.

If your mum has shown no significant improvement in two years, when you have done your very best, then this is the time to accept that she needs more specialist support than you cannot give. I suspect that the new PA will not have success either. Time will tell.

Time now for you to look forward to a better life for yourself. I would recommend a book called “Starting Again” by Sarah Litvinoff.

I think there is a certain level of systematic difficulties within all this. I know mum responds better to other people. The trouble is she wants constant attention from someone, she is also very lazy and expects everyone to do stuff for her.

I think a PA may provide some improvement. She also has an assessment for her Assisted Living next week. That has been identified as the thing she needs the most, however it could be a long wait.

So far the social worker has not rung back either.

Hi Coolcar98

Been away from the forum for a while but I am glad to see that there has been progress and your mum is in the stages of getting assistance and care.

Be strong and stand firm, don’t relent and do things, set those boundaries and stick to them.
Take all the advice from Melly and Bowlingbun and don’t step down from it.

For your own wellbeing step back and let the professionals sort things out and provide the care.
Rest and gain strength, build your boundaries.

I just can’t cope and I am so scared. I am masking alot of my pain, but that is the problem. I am just so depressed and I cant cope anymore. I can’t make things better for myself nevermind anyone else. I never wanted any of this, I just wanted a normal mum.

My relationship is on the edge of a breakdown, my partner is also a carer too. His mum is so demanding. I have to find another place to live by the end of the month. There is no leeway on that. Frankly, I think my partner is too embellished in his mums word that he never wants to talk to me about it, when I am upset he acts like she would never do anything to hurt me. If I wasn’t in such a situation, I would have the strength to leave him, but I don’t.

I had a panic episode this morning, he was so annoyed at me instead of helping.


you NEED to focus on you, right now, Your Mum is being sorted out by the professionals - it’s their job.

Your boyfriend is probably exhausted too if he is caring for a demanding Mum himself and just doesn’t have the emotional resources to support you too.

Your main priority this month needs to be finding somewhere to stay/live.

You can contact Shelter for advice, don’t put it off. Making that initial call will be hard, but you will be one step closer to getting the help you need:

What we do - Shelter England

Even a room in a shared house/bedsit etc would be ok. Don’t even consider going back to live with your Mum, otherwise all you have achieved (which took such guts and determination,) will be wasted.

Make an appointment with your GP about your panic attacks and the cause of them.

In the meantime, here is information about what to do if you have another panic att*ck:

Keep posting, we’ll do our best to help.

The trouble is though they say they are supporting her, nothing is in place as of yet to support her. The last I know was that the forms were done. No financial assessments have been done yet? So it could take a while.

I just need it as soon as possible really. I am sick of waiting around. I am having more and more of these anxiety episodes and they are getting scarier and scarier.


This is why you need to make an appointment to see your GP and contact Shelter.

Make the social worker that you are no longer providing care for your Mum and if there is any delay with her care package starting she will need interim support.

I have just spoken to my mum. She is really struggling. The trouble is it’s now past 5pm on a Friday, I can’t ring the safeguarding team they are a useless bunch. They take forever to get back to you just to say they can’t help.

Mum is lost, but I can’t carry on with her. I don’t know how to help her. I can’t. She’s now upset that she knows I’m not returning home and says we are abandoning her. She wants to move but nothing is happening. Social services are being so slow

I have put application after application in for her. I can’t do anymore. It’s really hurting me. This is why I am having panic attacks and harmful thoughts because they aren’t helping quick enough

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Most areas have an out of hours number for the local social services. No reason not to call them. It’s their job to make sure that emergency cover is in place, and if you can no longer do it without it hurting you in some way, then they will have to, won’t they?

You should be able to find the out of hours service for your area on the council website. Otherwise on the carers service website for your area.

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