Need some Advice and help

Hi to all I used to be a carer as my grandad many years ago suffered with Alzheimer’s it was awful seeing him suffer with this and helping out as much as I could with my Nan and mum caring for him I feel I had a passion for it

But when I tried to find work it was difficult for me some would cut corners and some like me were passionate about their work yet when when I tried to speak up about what I saw people didn’t like it and hated to work with me as they thought I was stabbing them in the back which wasn’t the case I only like to follow the rules

I went from job to job never settling and found managers often not on my side I used to go home crying and stressed I loved caring for the service users just wished it was better with the team
I am sorry if this upsets anyone but I would like to get back into care but don’t if I come across the same issues again I understand times at the moment are tough and sometimes you have to compromise and choose other options
Can anyone help me on what I should do?
Many thanks


Hi @Kerr55
Welcome to the forum!! Lovely to have you aboard.
Gosh you’ve been through the mill of things!
I’m really pleased you’re reaching out - if you need a laugh with people who think like you try
It’s roll call where we have a general chat and talk like Carers talk including :poop: :face_with_symbols_over_mouth: :scream: :crazy_face: :people_hugging: :heartbeat: :nauseated_face: :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: :rofl: :joy:
So I know you’ll enjoy feeling amongst people who ‘Get it’ again!

Our world, and the world in general needs more people like you! People who stick up for those suffering and to actually care! TOOOOOO often people treat caring like a transaction and ticking boxes and get in and get out… SO NEVER apologise for advocating for those who can’t stick up for themselves…

Reading between the lines you sound a little burn out tired with going through all the challenges of these places and hurtful dynamics with other people…May I ask how you relax? What’s the situation on the personal front, do you have friends to talk to, family support?

Managers (unless they’re good ones) can be 9 to 5 administrative rather than team builders. Many people take the title and money, but don’t really build teams and manage…I can say that as someone who’s been around the block a few times in commercial roles and business… So I can well believe that Managers haven’t managed a situation appropriately or supported you…

A few suggestions:
From what you describe, especially with your grandad maybe an in-home, nursing home or hospice healthcare assistant role could be a better fit, for you to get in, get training and have a more team-based environment, where you could build relationships within a stable place?
I thought of this immediately, because dementia and elderly care is crying out for caring individuals like yourself!
the hospice situation is difficult, and also an emotional strain, but you could add lots of support and be valued more…Find ones near you and ask is my advice

perhaps ask these organisations to see how you can apply to work with them?
Dementia UK: Click here

Dementia UK Specialist Nurse support: What is an Admiral Nurse, and how can they help?

Alzheimer’s Society (UK )

The agencies can be tough - high volume of work and team changes, which sounds like what you were doing. I thought of hospices because they may be more ‘stable’ environments, and teams. The hospice at home care we had for Dad had healthcare assistants they trained to spend a few hours with families to help them.

I hope these give you some ideas - @Charlesh47 has experience of Carer centres and other organisations so he’s probably got even more ideas.

Take care @Kerr55 and please don’t stop caring the world DOES need more people like you

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Hi @Kerr55 welcome to the Forum.

It sounds like you REALLY care unlike some of the people you worked with and, as you say, that’s probably what you found most upsetting.

@Victoria_1806 has given some good links to try so I am not sure I can add much more, other than to invite you tot eh Roll Call thread for a natter and to vent as much as you like. There you’ll find people who care as much as you do. We support one another, have a gossip about our day - what went right and what “went to rats” and generally unburden ourselves. No one judges or criticises, and you can share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with.

Best wishes :people_hugging:

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Hi to all thank you so much for your reply’s I really appreciate it I’m relieved to hear I am doing the right thing when I was caring and would like to get back in to it just want yo make sure when I go for jobs is it the right place to work? Will I be working with people who care can anyone give me any warnings to look out for??
Also would love to chat to someone in Suffolk about this in my area can anyone give me any help where to find someone near me please?
Once again thank you it’s great to have people who have my back and who are as caring and lovely as me
Kind regards xx

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@Kerr55 Take a look at the links I sent above and the hospice one you can search for places near you, and you can call them to see if you can talk about any vacancies they have.
Ask if you can talk to people who are already working in the hospice or in the organisation

A few questions that you could ask:

  • I like to make sure I’m doing things correctly for the client/patient - if I’m unsure about something who do I go to for help?
  • If I have a concern about the care of a client / patient or about how something is being done, what is the process I should follow? What are the steps I need to follow and who do I need to speak to?
  • Can you tell me about the ‘usual’ process and way problems are resolved
    ‘I’m asking these questions because I want to sure that I’m doing the right things for the client/patient/service user …AND following the operational policies and compliance procedures, set out by the organisation’

@Kerr55 IF there is no clear process, no ‘steps’ and operating procedure that’s when you know things are not taken seriously OR if you feel your question is being dismissed or ignored or minimized that’s also a sign that people are trying to ignore problems, instead of appropriately dealing with them…

We have several friends here on the forum who I’m sure can offer more ideas

I should say that I’m not an expert in agencies or hospices and their operations.
Also here in the forum, we’re not paid carers, we’re all carers of loved ones - like you did for your Grandad - So it’s best to maybe call the Carers UK helpline to chat with them as we won’t have ‘connections’ to organisations that can ‘hire’ you

@Kerr65 I hate to be the one to put a dampener on your enthusiasm but hope that you realise that Carers UK is a charity that provides support and advice to those providing advice and support to those caring in an unpaid, non-professional capacity for friends/family. The forum members are, in the main, 24/7/352 Carers (although we do have a few who also work as Care Assistants alongside their ‘unpaid’ caring role).

You are welcome to ‘stick around’ but I doubt that we will be the best people to give you advice on your situation.

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Ok thank your for your help x

Ok that’s great thank you for all of your help on the matter much appreciated xx

What will I do when I’m no longer caring for a family carer?
This question is at the back of the minds of many of us, who are acutely aware of the fact that the person they are caring for will probably die before they become eligible for their pension.
My husband died when I was 54. Three months later I was disabled in a car accident, in constant pain until I had knee replacements. I survived financially by selling off my husband’s stock of lorry spares. 30 tons in total!
While my children, one brain damaged were growing up I studied part time for a Business degree, really challenging, bur it filled a need in me.
I found a book called Starting Again by Sarah Litvinoff very helpful, cheap on eBay, easy to read. My brain damaged son is 46, he can’t read or write but can drive a 10 ton steam roller! Male carers are desperately needed for those with learning difficulties.