Need advice please

Hi, I am sarah and I have been caring for my ex partner for over a year after he suffered a severe stroke and has asphasia ( no speech and limited understanding) paralysed down his right side and his capacity has been affected.
Mark’s nephew helped to get Mark home as they were going to put him in a care home with 24 hour care but Mark has a house that is bedsits and flats so a flat was done up for him. Myself Mark’s nephew and his family agreed to care for Mark but that hasnt lasted and it is now just me. Mark’s nephew far from grateful makes my life a misery and is hateful to me which I find disgusting considering I have given up my life and I am the only one caring for his uncle.
I have been with Mark since I was 17 and our relationship was very controlling, mark has had damage to his brain and is a very different person to the man I knew but wants me 24/7 and still tries to assert control over me. There is no consideration for my own needs. I also have my 14 year old son to look after. I feel very trapped, I care very much for him but it is affecting my mental health.
I have spoken to social services and because Mark doesnt want them to help there isnt anything they can do.
If I walk away Mark will just keep coming to my flat shouting and crying and also his nephew will cause me trouble. I feel like my only escape would be to move away and start over somewhere else but that is also complicated.
I really dont know what to do.
Recently he has managed to climb the steps outside my flat and will expect to be able to come in whenever he wants. I dont want him back living with me as I wont be able to cope…I need my own space for my own mental heath.
I suffer from severe anxiety and have been made to feel by Mark and his nephew that it’s my duty to look after Mark but I know now that it is nonsense, I didnt have the stroke but my life is so messed up that I might as well have.

You owe this man and his horrid nephew nothing.

Do you own or rent your flat?
I don’t see why you and your son should be forced to move from your home.
Tell both of them that you refuse to do ANYTHING for him because of their behaviour towards you.
You have a right to a peaceful life of your own.

Block his phone, and if he comes round, refuse to let him in, record whatever he says on your phone as evidence, and call the Police.

You might need to ask the Police for a restraining order if he won’t leave you alone.
Do you have a neighbour you can confide in, who might be able to help you in case of emergency?

Does he have a key to your home?
Do you have a safety chain on your door?

I rent my flat and I agree I dont want to uproot myself or my son. No he doesnt have a key to my flat.
I think that whether you are disabled or not doesnt give anyone the right to harass people and if I do walk away from caring then I will have to involve the police, i dont want it to come to that but i am entitled to a life without being made to feel guilty and being harassed

The only power he has over you is the power you let him have, so it’s time for you to take control.
He is brain damaged. He is entitled to help, but chose to turn it down. So if he needs help, then he asks Social Services, not you, for it.

Tell him straight that he has to make alternative arrangements. You are NOT prepared to be his slave.

I’m afraid he may only believe you if the Police get involved.
Maybe the Stroke Association can give advice?

I absolutely agree and my sister has said the same thing. It is clear that he is unable to understand how this is affecting me due to his brain damage but having said that Mark uses the fact that the man who murdered my sister 20 years ago is up for parole at the end of September and may get out as a reason he thinks he should come and live with me.

  1. Dont even know if he will be released
  2. Dont understand how he thinks he is going to protect me
  3. Feel it is just manipulation to try and come back fully into my life.

He doesnt understand that because he cannot speak ( he tries) but sadly it isnt words that come out it is incredibly frustrating for him and also very hard (mentally) for me trying to work out what he is saying.