My family want me to be a trustee - confused please help

Afternoon everyone…

I posted On this forum a year or to ago (check this page

Well, after my disabled brother - who’s been in a care home now since July 2017 - plus two very recent life threatening illnesses (pneumonia/sepsis./respiratory distress) - of which one was last week -and still in hospital At writing, my Brother in law now wants me to be a trustee for him, as - in his own words, “””he’s had enough””(he text my brother today to text me, as my bro in law, for some reason doesn’t text me at all) he and my sister - his wife are now semi-retired/retired respectably

(Slightly off topic) I’ve spent most of the year - it seems just filling forms in left right and centre. My disabled brothers ESA (still waiting for that) his PIP (personal independence payment) my own ESA and PIP still awaiting. And there’s a “sort of trust” I’m aware of that involves the DWP and the care home managing £2370 co-funding over payment that was refunded to my disabled brother, But was unable to do anything with it as the cheque was in his name, so the money mentioned above is between the DWP and nursing home - withdrawing money on my request.

Back on topic. So, I was “greeted this morning with a text saying that my bro -in-Law has had enough of being a trustee, and wants ME to take over. Do I have to? As my bro in law is a man of law (former police/law graduate or something like that!!!) and I’ve got the feeling of having this new task of being a trustee being “forced” on me. I Don’t really need anything like this to be honest, but it seems that all my family (who still Don’t pay top up fees - see link above). Want to distance themselves from “financial responsibility “. - and now push it on to me. (Since my last post, my brother in laws wife - my sister has been diagnosed with dementia) maybe that means something…

I’m only to happy to take a task on, but it may one too many, as I’ve myself been through the PIP assessment tests, and suffer from chronic anxiety (drs diagnosis) I’m not aware of the responsibilities of being a trustee- but I get the feeling that if I say NO, I will suffer backlash.

Sorry for the mixed up post, as I’m currently looking at this, and setting up a trustee etc. Quote” :point_down:
How much does it cost to set up a trust?

Instructing a solicitor to set up a trust for you can be expensive - typically around £1,000 or more. But using a solicitor helps you avoid costly mistakes further down the line - for example if the wording of your trust is ambiguous or misleading.

Some charities have schemes where they contribute towards the parents’ costs of setting up a trust for a disabled child.


It all looks to complicated to me. And I’m wondering if my brother in law what’s me to set up a trust because of my disabled brother has been I’ll??? :-??? . Im on my own here by the way :see_no_evil:


Hi Tony.

Three observations.

Last post … did you seek legal advice as suggested to you by us at the time ?

What was the outcome ?

Top up fees … all now sorted … satisfactorily ?

( AGE UK … full sp on top up fees : What are care home top-up fees? | Age UK )

( ANY request from an LA for top up fees should be viewed with the utmost suspicion ! )
Power of Attorney ?

Recent article posted will set out the basics for your consideration :
( I assume that CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare is NOT a factor here ? )

Have a ponder … and then return to us.

I suggest that you suggest to your brother that he speaks to the Mencap Trusts department. Do NOT get involved beyond that. You have done your bit now.

t’s an absolute “can of worms” if the issue with the cheque from DWP is any indication, because there should be an account in your brother’s name, arranged and managed by your brother IF he has Power of Attorney, into which his benefits are paid.

However I can’t see that he does have POA because if your brother has learning difficulties, he would not have had capacity to sign the paperwork! If your brother dies before this is sorted out, it’s going to be even more difficult to sort out.

Then only other practical solution would be to ask Social Services Client Affairs Team to get involved, who would then deal with all your brother’s financial matters but it might be that the brother currently managing the money is going to have to answer some difficult questions!

Get your brother in law to do his own work as far as this is concerned.

Tell him to contact SS and get them to arrange a family meeting. So it can be officially stated you are not taking on this responsibility.

There are many other ways this can be dealt with.

Thanks for the replies, sorry for the delay, as there’s been a lot happening between the hospital, and the nursing home. My brother was brought back to the nursing home Saturday night - and all “went well” (Sister-nurse called me to let me know he was back safely).

However, I had a call this morning to say that everyone’s down with viruses/influenza/infections at the nursing home - most of the staff included. They are, it seems in emergency mode working flat out with only half the staff they usually have.

So they’ve all (my brother included) been put on TAMIFLU thus:, and my brother, and the rest have to be on it 10 full days —or longer if needed. We’ve been told, in as many words, not to attend the nursing home at this time for our own risk - and those we come in to contact with after we would leave the nursing home - should we, or any of the family want to go (masks needed I gather).

So concerning the main post topic, Re: trustee, well my brother-in-law went in to the bank and sorted it - until it’s reviewed again October. We’ll take it from there. As for seeking advise etc, its been a very long traumatic year, so thats not something I’ve gotten in to … yet. It all gets physically, and emotionally draining, however.

On the upside, my brother is as “bright as a button” this morning - the nursing home told me. And my concerns are more for my brothers health and wellbeing At this time.

Thanks you all for your concern.

Happy New new year all (a little belated I know) :+1:

Tony, now is the time to look after yourself. Your brother is OK in the nursing home, so please step off the carer treadmill for a day or two and try to relax, go for walks, early nights, etc. etc. Anything that helps you chill out a bit. The stress of the last few months has been dreadful I’m sure, so don’t be surprised if all you want to do is sleep for a while. I call it going over the “Cliff of Tiredness”.
We are here for you when you need us.

Thanks bowling bun for your concern :hugs:

I do in fact have bad sleep patterns, and find it very difficult to “stay asleep” for the anticipation of that dreaded middle-of-the-night phone call - from the nursing home, which always happens at he weekend right ? - or seasonal events?:see_no_evil:

So I’m basically on 24/7 call effectively, and as NOK (net of Kin) I’m their first port of call. Day or night. I Don’t always “want to sleep” bowling bun - but always NEED to sleep, to get my hours in. I often nap in the early eves to catch up if I can, but robs me of my evening sleep, thats the problem.

Once again Bowling-bun and all, thanks for your concern.

PS: wrote a lot more out a bit ago and saved it to draft, but when I loaded it, the box was blank :-???

Thanks :pray:

You need to reset your body clock, the doctor should be able to help you with some gentle medication.
Tell the home very firmly that they MUST NOT RING between 8pm and 8am.
They might be working at night, you are not. They are paid to work, you are not.
Even if something awful happens, there is nothing you can do that they cannot.
Letting go is incredibly hard, now it’s time YOUR needs came first!

Thanks bowlingbun.

I’m afraid its one of those nursing homes that listen - for Minute, then forget pretty quickly (through one ear - out the other rings a bell) and its been like this for a long time. They only seem to bring “bad news” calls. No “happy new year”/ updates/ (weekly updates would be nice yes? I may request that) and with different staff/nurses etc ringing me up, then it makes it a bit harder as “nurse/staff A” doesn’t necessarily know what “Nurse/staff B” has informed me as there’s communication problems I think - especially changing of shifts etc.


Makes a mockery of social care being " Integrated " … all parts making up a greater whole ?

Nursing home … family / kinship carers … never the twain shall meet ?

Yes its not good but I’m putting up with it, For now at least , as he’s on oxygen (air actually - small mask) so he’s kinda tied down there. Would like a care home move, but could be difficult - especially cooperation with my family too - not to mention social workers. :-???

Tony, your brother should have a “key worker”, a member of nursing home staff who takes special interest in his care. If he doesn’t have one already, then ask the Matron/Manager of the home to give him one.
You need one person to communicate with. Remind him/her that you do NOT wish to be called at anti social hours.

Hi bowling bun.

Just rang the nursing home (8 pm) and the sister-nurse in charge was on the phone. (different one this time). And told me everything was fine - with my brother. There Always seems like a More relaxed Atmosphere at night time - Probably because they’re all tucked away in bed !( 7pm bed time I gather) however, its not always the case in the daytime were there seems to be a sense of panic/rushing about. I know this because I see it (our visiting times are 12.30-2 pm - in which we give my brother his lunch. Seems very hectic At this time. I’m not sure what you mean by “key worker” as they work as a “whole”. But my brother is - they tell me, checked every two hours in the night - and turned over to prevent pressure sores. He’s On-Air mask about 5 hours in a single day.

Thanks. Tony.