Mums mental health again

All about caring Young adult carers
1

Hi all.

sorry it’s been a while,

Im stuck in abit of a rut lately and im not sure what to do.

a couple of weeks ago my sister had a baby, first baby in the family. Let’s just say things aren’t very smooth. My relationship with my sister has been rocky for about a year now. She created a list of rules around the baby which is well within her right, but now complains when everyone has kind of backed off except for my mum.

Sister is demanding all sorts of unreasonable things, doesn’t want you engaging in certain activities, speaking to certain people, wearing certain clothes. As she says it looks bad. By certain activities I mean she doesn’t like me doing abit of volunteer work.

meanwhile she says that I’m only allowed to see the baby at certain times, pre booked. Fine, I understand. But those times are always when I’m at work. (Up until a few weeks ago she had a full time job too.)

In response I just decided to back away and leave her to it. My sisters boyfriends side of the family, well she seems to be all over them.

only my mum is doing my head in with everything too. Right now she’s upset and depressed because of everything. She’s met the baby, but constantly wants more and more and more and more. Every conversation I have with her is how she’s upset and she’s been let down and how my sister won’t let her see “my baby”. All through ny sisters pregnancy, my mum was telling people she was gonna be a grandma. Everyone would congratulate my mum. Even when my sister was present. My sister didn’t like that.

I can see where my mums coming from, but I’m fed up of hearing it now.

Mum does receive support from the local mental health team now finally. But they are useless. Everyone seems to be constantly validating mum, and she loves it. Judging by the way mum talks she’s neglected, not looked after. People don’t visit her. Not true.

Today mums annoyed at me. Was meant to be going into the city centre with her, something we do week in week out. Sadly this morning I noticed a problem with my car, just a minor problem a rivet got stuck in my brand new tyre. I booked a mobile tyre fitter tomorrow with Halfords. I said I wasn’t going to drive my car in case we get stuck somewhere. (A few weeks ago my cars radiator gave out on a day out, we were 45 miles from home). Mums acting like it was convenient. There’s nothing convenient about it.

2

@Coolcar98 ….sorry to hear you’re going through all of this with your family. Your sister’s demands re when you can and can’t see her baby sound very unreasonable and It seems like your mums taking it out on you. I don’t blame you for not wanting to take the car out until the tyre is sorted. Sending hugs your way.

3

Leave your sister to get on with motherhood, you’ve run around after her and your mum for long enough.

1 Like
4

@Coolcar98 sorry your family are behaving like this and your stuck in the middle of it.you put you have decided to leave your sister to it and I would just let her get on with it and when she asks why you don’t see her and the baby say it’s because of all your demands. You can go where you want ,do what you want , wear what you want ,and volunteer where you want speak to whoever you want and .none of that is anything to do with your sister. Also do not bother about her unreasonable demands. You do what you want. You say that she is complaining now because everyone has backed off can she blame them if this is how she is behaving to them.

Your mum say to her I understand where your coming from but it’s no good keep going on at me .its nothing to do with me .you need to take it up with my sister and not me. And about the car I would not go out in it till it is fixed you don’t want tobreak down miles from your home. Please take care.

5

Hi @Coolcar98 so sorry to hear you are going through this. My DIL ‘s 2 cousins had babies in January. They were not seen till about the age of 5mths. The family all had invites to “met the baby” at a nice pub. There was to be coffee paid for well 1. Then anything else like alcohol you paid for which was fine. Told it was strictly a 2 hour slot. So it looks like a trend of parents being very protective. However knowing the other family is involved is very hurtful. I agree you just step back and let her get on with it As for your mum she sounds like mine who is 93. Nothing good enough only thinks how things affect her etc etc Again she has Adult as in geriatric mental health involved as more than likely covert narcassist but nearly impossible to diagnose at this age.I agree that it’s not much help but then again she won’t engage in anything they suggest as wants a pill to put her right .My heart goes out to you. Remember you can’t make anyone else happy so give up trying concentrate on you

3 Likes