I just want to rant. Im reaching my wits end with my mum
My mum (47) is a full time carer of my 20 yo sister with a learning disability. Over the past few years my sister has had chronic school refusal so now just spends all day everyday at home.
My mum also has a mental health condition (psychosis) and has been sectioned twice; both time my nan and I became my sisters carers.
My nan passed away in January, and my mums brother also passed away a few years back. She has a poor relation with other family members and refuses to contact or engage with them and doesnt trust them - multiple reasons but mainly due to disagreements from over a decade ago. Anytime someone from our extended family has tried to reach out, she becomes hostile and rude towards them. Due to her condition she has a poor relationship with all her neighbours, and they have called the police and social services on her multiple times. Its been me thats had to advocate for her.
I have suggested many times over the years that my sister needs a carer because my mum cant do it all by herself. I keep telling her that I dont want to be a carer, Im happy to help, but I dont want it to take over my life. But I think deep down she knows if something happened to her Id end up taking care of her anyways just because Im the only other person, but I dont want to be. Im trying to make her understand she needs a support network outside of me or at least a carer to help out.
Each time shes been given a care package by the council, shes ended up cancelling the carer for minor reasons. Last carer we got, after 3 or 4 sessions my mum cancelled the care services…she said the carer said something that she didnt like, but she wont tell me what she said. Personally, I highly doubt the carer said anything that bad, I just think my mum wanted to find any excuse to cancel the carer. When the carer tried to come back the next day, my mum threatened to call the police on her.
Now its just me my mum relies on to babysit my sister. I worried shes starting to lean on me too much. Sometimes she go on this whole rant about how she doesnt have anybody and if she tries to lean on people they let her down. I think this is guilt tripping, honestly Ive done as much as I can
When she gets really stressed with caring she used to book a flight to jamaica to go sit with my nan. She tried to do the same with me, when I was in university she took a coach and just turned up in the city because she was stressed - though I didnt here her call me and she ditn know my address so she didnt end up staying with me. I dont want her to think this is a thing she can just do.
At this point, I just wanna move far away to New Zealand - not because of stress, but this is a genuine aim of mine. But if I move away, no one is going to check on my mum and my sister (my sister is going through a phase where she like to burn stuff now). My mums mental health will deteirotate, and I worry she will get sectioned again, with no one to care for my sister. Sometime if feel like people expect me to just drop my life for them. My mum didnt want me to do a masters because she wanted me to come home to help with childcare. Local Authroity expects me to take time off work to deal with their request and attend meetings. Ive done this, ive tried. But I want to live my life but at the same time dont want to risk losing my family because at the end of the day they are my mum and my sister and i care about their wellbeing.
But my mum cant do this alone forever, whats going to happen when my mum is 60 or 70? I cant care for them both. Ive already decided not to have children because I just dont think I can afford to care for a child plus my mum and my sister.