Mum can’t pay carers

Hi so I have posted on here before about my mum having carers in which she absolutely loves. She has just had a form though to say that she will have to start paying and I have to set this up for her.

The trouble is she has been kicking off saying she can’t afford it. When infant she can she is just terrible with money management. She seems to be drawing out large sums out of her bank every other day and when I ask her she just says oh well it has gone.on what I don’t know. She also has the cheek to say she can’t afford food.

I know for a fact she gets more than I do and even I have to struggle abit. She gets over 1500 a month, with a rent of £390. She has bills of 200 which includes the internet, tv, phone, mobile phone, and council tax. She also has £100 for electric and gas since we are on a meter. Even then that is only 690. Half of her monthly income. The carers want £120 a month. Perfectly do able. I don’t understand how she keeps complaining she has no money.

When I ask her she says she spent it on bus fares. These busses don’t cost that much. She tells me she doesn’t spend it on food and uses food banks. She is also known to be a hoarder too. I keep seeing these large amounts come out. She has no money sense whatsoever. She doesn’t understand bills and only ever sees money as pocket money.

I just don’t know what to do with her. She always kicks off crying to me that she has nothing left. But how she has nothing left is beyond me really. I’ve tried speaking to her social worker but she doesn’t want to know.

I know money is stretched but I earn less and have to manage a car on top of that. Yes I go without meals and rely on discount foods, but she has £700 left each month.

She can’t even go to Asda without drawing £100 for a £20 food shop. She was like it with my dad, she always wanted more and more.

Do you set up her direct debits for your Mother. If so can you tell her you must set it up, otherwise she wont be able to have the carer’s. If she won’t agree then it’s time for you to sever the contact. You are nearly back to square one with all of these diffulties.
She must have had financial assessment for them to reach the cost, which to me is extremely reasonable.
How does she get food from the food banks? Usually a voucher or similar is given so the staff at the food bank know the need is genuine,. They are struggling more for donations as the cost of living for many won’t allow the budget to spare anything

I do set up her direct debits that is not the problem really I can do that. The trouble is her out of control spending. She is the only person that can spend £100 on a £20 food shop and not really have anything to show for it. Yet she still complains she has no food. I know it’s a cost of living crisis but I don’t know.

As for the food bank thing, I do not know. She went after a support group meeting once so I wonder if it was in the same building and they have relaxed rules. Either that or her IDVA did it. I do not know unfortunately.

She always acts like she is being deprived if you say stop spending so much. I notice that in her bank account she has hundreds coming out a week, where that is going I don’t know. I see all the bills come out and I have been trying to reduce some of her bills due to her disability. I recently got her a cheaper internet package. I also have an app on my phone which checks her utilities. I top it up and get the money back, though I never top up that much. Her electric has been in credit for the past 6 months and has never been topped up because of this. Gas is another story and I had to tell her to stop leaving the heating on all night.

She has also had a financial assessment or the main one, she has just recieved a form asking her to list her disability expenses and other needs so I have to do that.

I know times are hard and money may not be abundant but I don’t understand how she does it. £1500 a month £390 rent, £200 bills, £100 utilities £120 carers £100 food £50 travel if she gets bus passes. She should have loads left for herself.

I don’t really know what to advise. If she is out of control with her spending and not listening to you, then you have tried. Set up her carers cost then leave her to it. If she gets into difficulty the bank will eventually get involved.

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Does she not have a bus pass?

Do you think she could be gambling or maybe lending it to people?

She doesn’t m. She is only 56 years of age. I highly doubt she is gambling. I think she has an odd perception of money really. She’s not the sort of person who will go for the cheaper things.

No advice but you are in my prayers.