Sending you some virtual hugs, your mother has been so lucky having you care for her right up to the end, I am sure you will find comfort in this in the days ahead. My condolences to you and your family.
“ALL WE CAN DO”
No words can comfort all we can do
Is share your North face route with you.
No one can take your pain away
Or cut bereavement’s journey short.
Perhaps you would not want them to
Your grief is all that’s left to you
Of your loved one who could not stay.
All we can do is walk with you
And try to match our steps to yours.
Just keep on walking day by day.
But let us share that cold road too
To walk a little way with you
I’m sorry for your loss and I know what you’re going through as I lost my mother too. Try to keep herself busy and don’t worry about crying. If you have any problems sleeping see a local GP. From our experience ill be little things you’re missing most. Take heart that this community set in a Best wishes to you.
Jaqueline, there is NO rush - take all the time you need. I agree the little things are the ‘worst’ in a way. I found my mum’s last tube of handcreme…I broke down totally. She would never use it again…
Re house clearance - check with charities first. ie, if the commercial companies want to charge you!
be careful what you get rid of…is there any time pressure on you? What is happening to your mum’s house in the end?
I hope the service goes well - these days ministers are usually very flexible about designing them around what makes emotional and spiritual sense to the mourners.
There are many websites with some lovely poems and readings. If you browse (and you will weep, I promise you…) you may find ‘just’ the things that really resonate with you and your mum…
(PS - don’t know whether this will resonate with you, but I wrote my mum a letter, telling her all the thigns I felt about her, and it helped me ‘let her go from this life’…but keep her always always always in my heart’)(where she still is…)
Thank you Jenny. I cancelled the house clearence people. I was rushing myself too much. Have been slowly going through her things and been wearing some of her clothes (aw).
Got to chose funeral music today. Feel utterly exhausted but ok. A bit worried about the future. Do I stay round here or move back to Wales. Also will have to sell this house at some point as half of it is now my brothers.
Oh well. Tomorrow I may feel all lively esp as my son is home for the weekend snd the funeral on Tuesday.
Don’t make any big decisions for at least a year, ideally two. I was totally irrational after my OH died suddenly, I hated everything in my cottage, which we lovingly restored from a wreck together, in 1976-7. I could have sold the house, the steam engines, everything. I just did not know what to do for the best. Now I’m settled again, surrounded by things we did lovingly together.
I know Jenny and I see things differently, but it’s OK to get rid of things you know you will never EVER need, ancient worn out things first. I tried to find a “good” home for things I would never want, such as my husband’s work shirts, all clean and lovingly ironed, then given to the Salvation Army in Bournemouth, so I’d never see anyone wearing them.
I still have a few of his things which were my very favourites, tucked away in my wardrobe.
Everyone is different Jaqueline, I am in the same boat as you as my brother owns half the house but hasn’t lived here for 40 years. I had to be quite practical but took the first 3 months doing paperwork and sorting out personal possessions. The next six months I got the decorators in and updated the house and now I have 2 lodgers to keep things ticking over. I am still torn 12 months on as to whether to stay or go but for the next 12 months I will probably stay to recoup the decorating expenses. If I can ever get to the stage of being “in profit” and being able to save and pay my way each month I can think again about moving as I would love 100% of somewhere. I still can’t decide 12 months on whether it is better to have 50% of my one and only home or 100% of a tiddly home somewhere that is totally mine with a clean slate.
I think I can safely say that if I had thrown in teh towel and moved immediately I would always have regretted not trying to find a way to stay.
My next focus for the coming year is job related. I need to find out how much work I can fit in and cope with, what I can potentially earn and then in 12 months time I will look at property again and see what is viable and realistic.