Mother in hospital. End of life care

I am no longer a carer.

I fee iill and deeply sad. Having longed for my freedom I also feel guilty.

Mother is in hospital and wont be coming home. I try to see her most days. I am truely exhausted. Having a meeting with the doctors next week.

Soon I will have no income … Scarey. I will have to move at some point (the house will go to my brother and I).

What a full on time …

Jacqueline - I am so sorry to hear this. please focus on this time with your mum, making the very, very most of it all.

As for the house, there will be no rush at all - and don’t let your brother rush you (I do hope he won’t want to). Probate can take months, and you should have enough time to sort out your mum’s estate, get the house valued, and on the market, and allow you to find somewhere else to live as well.

If you really didn’t want to sell the house, could you pay off your brother over the next few decades maybe? At some point you will need to get work, even if not straight away. Would your son want to buy out your brother perhaps??

But don’t feel hassled to sell up…even if your brother is ‘desparate’ for yo uto do so, a co-owner can find it hard to ‘force a sale’ if the other co-owner is reluctant. in the end, it would haveto go to court to force you to sell up, and I would very much hope your brother would never think to do anythjig like that??

Thanks Jenny. I have fku so wont be able to visit Mother u til it has gone.

My brother wouldnt force the sale and is not pressuring me at allbut it all has to be done at some point.

Will try to live in the now.

yes, it will…but not as you say, for now.

And right now, the focus is on YOU - get as much rest as you can, both to heal your own flue etc and to give yourself a break. I hope your mum is getting visits from her son and maybe grandchildren too???

Any infection is more likely to affect someone whose resistance is low due to stress, overwork, etc. It’s your body’s way of saying it’s been through too much just lately.

It’s not unusual for a body to feel poleaxed and poorly when in shock, or when stress worsens or stops.
You had been thinking you would have Mum for many more years yet and this latest and sudden downturn was not expected.
Try to be kind to your body and to yourself.
When my caring situation took a sudden turn I felt numb, poorly and foggy for a long time, it was as though it wasn’t real. These feelings do pass, in time


You truely are treading in my footsteps, sending hugs.

Hope you are feeling a little better this morning. Hot drinks, bed rest, or curling up under the duvet on the sofa are best for you now.

Thank you so much everyone.

My mothers best friend saw her yesterday. My son and I visited saturday, he isnt well now though.

My brother is disabled and housebound so is sadly unable to visit.

Oh Mother I hate to think of you all alone in hospital …

Jacqueline, try to remember that mum is lucky to have any children, especially close enough and loving enough to have cared for her so long.

Thank you Bb. I feel kind of lonely for her.

Luckily her best friend is visiting tomorrow.

Hope I get better in time to see her again.

Yes, I know what you mean. I always tried to visit my mum as often as possible, because my brothers couldn’t be bothered, but I was disabled myself at the time and it was such hard work, even with a Blue Badge it might take 20-30 minutes to find a parking space, and Royal Bournemouth Hospital has a quarter mile corridor. Not easy when I’d had a knee replacement 3 weeks previously!

Goodness. Long corridors and a knee replacement. Not a happy combo.

Mothers best friend said that she was really settled and they had the first proper conversaions since she was admitted. So good to hear.

I spoke to her briefly. It was lovely to hear her voice albeit on the phone.

Son and I both have flu now!

That’s reassuring - that she had he best friend visit, and that she seems so settled, and that you could talk to her too. I hope you are soon ‘infection free’ and can visit again…

Glad you got to speak to her on the phone and she had a lovely visit and chat with her friend. You really do need to rest and look after yourself, it’s the best way to get better quickly.


Dont worry Melly I am resting away and being easy on myself.

Thanks Jenny. I just need to be patient …

Her friend saw her again today. She talks about dying and is not afraid but just feels too tired to carry on x