Mother died this morning around 11.00

Very true about not rushing. Got to work out to finance everything now. Mabe rent out a room if I do stay on. Its all ifs atm …

Great how you suddenly lose your income at this delicate time!

Enjoyed the snow today and had a cuppa with a friendly neighbour.

Funeral is on tuesday. My son and I went shopping for posh black outfits today.

I wrote a eulogy for my mum and hope to read it on the day.

We have done lots of tidying. Life feels managable today.

Well done. It’s tough time, the day after a funeral can be difficult. Take a small carton of juice or bottle of water when you go, leave in the car. We found this really helped.

Had a holiday. Looked at some houses for sale. Cried a lot.

I miss being a daughter …

Jacqueline, it’s a huge period of readjustment, really early days yet. Crying is very therapeutic, part of letting go gradually. You are still mum’s daughter, as I am mine. She lives on in your heart and in your memories. After a while, the last few months will fade away from memory to some extent, and you will remember without tears all the happy times you shared.

So sad. I really really miss her. I know time is a great healer but …

She was so sweet and amusing. I have a lot of pictures that she painted up on the walls, she would be amazed!

Hi Jacqueline,
Firsts are always extra difficult, so no wonder you are missing her even more today.
Be kind to yourself and pick some flowers/ light a candle/ scoff an Easter egg or try and paint a picture yourself - whatever you decide, do it in her honour and memory.

(((Hugs))))

Melly1

Jacqueline, you are doing really well, although it won’t feel like it. Try keeping a diary, for your eyes only, of how you are feeling, then you will realise that you are now taking baby steps forward. There are no fast fixes through grief I’m afraid. It takes as long as it takes.

Got awful anxiety. Cant even leave the house and no income. Probate is taking ages and I am worried about money!

Still miss Mother, naturally but this waking up shaking with fear and feeling afraid most of the time is a whole new level. I am not elibable for any benefits … Rather scarey.

Hello Jacqueline

Yes, unfortunately, Probate can take a while to come through. I suggest that you go and talk to your Bank - explain the problem and ask for an overdraft to see you through this period. Take the Probate papers with you so that they can see that once it’s been granted you will be solvent again and will able to repay the overdraft immediately. Getting an overdraft from your bank will be a much better option that taking a loan from any other lender - interest rates are so much less and far more manageable.

Your anxiety is probably not helped by worrying about money but maybe some form of counselling would help with that ? First port of call a visit to your GP to explain how you are feeling and see what they have to offer.

Hi Jacqueline,

I’m so sorry to hear about your Mum. I haven’t been on the forum for a while so I’ve only just found out.

I don’t want to contradict Susie but these days, depending on who you bank with, a credit card might be much cheaper than an overdraft. Might be worth checking out how much each is going to cost before deciding. For example Lloyds charges around 50% apr whereas we have credit cards with aprs under 20% and that’s without even looking at interest free balance transfer options. Equally you could just accept that a little bit of interest is a small price to pay for just taking the easiest option. Do you know what the hold up with the probate is? Is it perhaps time to rattle the executors cages a bit?

Sorry. Not been on for ages. Still anxious/fearful. Still unable to leave the house. Gp has referred me for italk councelling. A phone call once every two weeks.

Money is getting low. Got a friend who may be able to lend me some.

Are there any benefits that I can claim in the meantime? I am unable to work or even look for work so I suppose it is unlikely. Tbh I am so afraid most of the time that it is all I can do to get up and walk the dogs (luckily we have fields out the back which I go round in a state of terror before hurrying home. What a way to live).

I have a lodger so some of the bills will be covered but food is another matter. Bit grim all this.

Sorry to hear of your loss. You may be eligible for Employment Support Allowance? there are 2 categories those that can work but can’t at the moment and those that can never work, my severely disabled son is in the second category, he is unable to work due to his mental and physical disabilities, he gets his payments every 2 weeks.

Thanks Karen. I will google it and see if I am eligable.

If nothing else , the automatic contributions for National Insurance would have ceased from the day on which Carers
Allowance ceased … assuming no paid work since.

National Insurance: introduction: Overview - GOV.UK

" Signing on " at your local Job Centre would be advisable purely from this angle.

I have tried an online thing to see if I can get esa. Had to do a verification thing but it didnt complete. No idea why. Will try again tomorrow.

I am not too optomistic given that I am currently unable to leave the house due to extreme anxiety.

Will see if my gp can help.