hi all, I have been a carer for my dad, mam, husband and mother in law for the last 20 years.
in those years i dealt with mini strokes and the affects of Alzheimer and dementia and as other carers know, these are 24/7 situations for family carer.
I gave every minute for 2 years to my dad who had mini strokes and lost bits of himself with every stroke, he became violent and wouldn’t remember he did anything. i looked after my dad for 2 years before i broke and they arranged for nursing home for him, something i felt so guilty about.
for a few months after i tried to get back into my own life and then out of the blue my mam was diagnosed with Alzheimer disease. and again i was back in the caring position. i asked my brothers to help with mam as she was so hard mentally to take care of. she would ask me the same thing 1000s times a day, to the point where i learned to switch off my hearing…sounds mad, but i needed to keep my sanity.
for 8 years straight i looked after my mother with minimal help from family. but i was determined that she wouldn’t end up in a nursing home.
mam would go to day car every day and i would drive down to see dad every day, sometimes i would be driving so fast coming home that i would be afraid i would miss the bus bringing mam back home. the phn were always checking to see how things where going, was the house clean, mam clean and fed etc.
i used to feel like screaming at them, it would be better to help me instead of watching for signs i was failing.
the hospital was a nightmare, trying to make sure she was put on a mattress that would stop her getting bed sores, as she couldn’t turn herself very well.
it was in the hospitals that she got a bedsore, i was furious as i was her carer for almost 8 years and she never one had a bed sore because i make sure she was moved.
every 30 mins or so i would put a song on and say " hay mam do you want to dance" and i would hold her in my arms making sure she was moving to get the blood was circulating.
in 2007 she passed away from that flaming bed sore, she got mrse and mre. it wasn’t even on her death cert which annoyed me so much.
on the day after my mam was buried. we went to an appointment for my husband and we were told he has a brain tumor…to say i nearly dropped is a understatement. I came out of that appointment in a daze. 2 months later we were called back to the doctor and he told us that what he thought was a tumor was brain damage from an accident he had when he was 18.
life when on for a while with me as angry as hell at the hospital for how my mam died.
then my hubby was involved in an accident that put him out of work for 6 years…and again i was in the caring position.
in that 6 years he nearly died 3 times from meds he was given from doctors.
I felt wrecked and exhausted in a way i cant describe.
in all of this i used to bring my mil shopping and to her appointments, so i kinda fell into looking after her without really wanting to…,i didn’t think i had it in me.
but you learn you get strength from somewhere when you need it.
she had dementia and god love her she was so confused, she was always as sharp as a tac, and now not to be able to remember was killing her.
so it was nursing home or someone stepped in and i was the only one who ever helped her so it was me
i looked after for 18 months for 18 hours a day, until the doc said that what i was doing wasn’t enough, she needed 24 hour a day care. I cried my eyes out the day they sent her to the home, as she had asked me to promise never to let that happen to her. but it was out of my hands, there was no one else to help me with her.
after that i kept busy getting her house ready for sale or let and then started to do a well needed do over on my own house.
I was 36 when i became a carer and without me noticing 20 years had passed.
since then i have been at a loose end, feel like i stepped out of my life 20 years ago and don’t know how to step back in again.,
i cry a lot because i am so lonely, i don’t have any friends anymore or job because i gave it up when i was looking after my mam 24/7.
I am sorry this is such a long winded thread, but i just needed to tell someone how i am feeling as i feel like my life has come to a stand still