Abuse continues, loss for what to do

All about caring Young adult carers
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Hi, once again I am writing about the abuse of my mum. Services are failing to act on a very serious case of abuse. It’s all just so messed up, I can’t believe that there is such a serious case of neglect all round. Services in East Yorkshire are so abysmal.

I have written the fact that my mums ‘ex friend’ is threatening to harm her constantly. He is threatening her saying he will petrol bomb her house and will run her over with his car. He is constantly telling her he wants her dead. He is telling her that her whole family wants her dead so she may aswell do it.

The guy has served prison time for severe abuse of multiple women including children and is a raging alcoholic. The guy is a known abuser multiple convictions and has served many years in prison. The guy is getting worse and worse and is making constant fake accounts to harass mum. As soon as she blocks one, he makes another, it’s a constant loop.

He is also messaging my 20 year old sister saying he wants to sexually abuse her and how she slept with my dad and loved it.

The guy is also constantly ringing the police making false accusations and mum has been placed on bail. He accused her of strangling him when she had a fractured arm for gods sake, the police let him get away with what he did and arrested her instead. she was in cells for 24 hours with no help even though she had limited function due to her physical disabilities combined with her fractured arm.

She has balance problems due to osteoarthritis in her knee and used her arms for balance. How she was meant to strangle him I don’t know. He marked his skin and showed the police, she got in bother. He even admitted to her that he did it.

He is constantly messaging members of the family and her practically all hours of the day threatening harm. He has been doing this for weeks. Once an account or phone number has been blocked, he is making another. Mum blocks one and within minutes there is another one trying to get through.

The police have been called multiple times but they keep saying ignore it. Mum is very scared and thinks she is going to be murdered, she is a wreck. She is crying all the time. She is also working with DAP.

She has also spoken to the police but they keep saying that she is breaching her bail conditions, by reporting him for what he is doing since she is on bail for harassment of him. They say by ringing the police she is harassing him. There is so much evidence but they are choosing to ignore it. They are also refusing to believe the fake accounts are him because they can’t prove it. He is literally giving himself away in the messages and saying it’s him. He is threatening to rpe my little sister and murder my mum.

The guy is playing the crazy woman card and the police are buying it. I am just scared that my mum will end up dead and my sister abused, and then the police will say oh well we didn’t know despite the fact that they have been told multiple times.

All the police say is to report the accounts to Facebook but they are so nondescript that they aren’t even flagging up in systems and I always get messages back to say that there is nothing wrong.

I’m just so scared what if he kills her. Will there just be countless articles in the papers saying “sorry, we didn’t know” like all these cases that keep appearing constantly.

Social services are also been so useless safeguarding teams are saying it’s not their problem and they can’t do anything and it’s not a safeguarding concern. How is being threatened to be murdered not a bloody safeguarding concern?

It just shocking. I can’t keep doing this it’s having such an effect. All services seem to be bothered about is money instead of helping someone.

It’s just shocking because mums previous social worker raised concerns and spoke to people about them. The guy has gone crazy because the ball started to roll and action was taken against him, when her social worker changed the rug was pulled from under her feet. They have literally left her without support and won’t even hold themselves accountable. I have complained a number of times and it seems like even the complaints team will only deal with things by the book, one of my previous complaints was about a duty social worker who told us wrong information. According to the complaints team there was no record of anything being said so they can’t do anything. That’s literally

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You are in my prayers.

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Hi, I am just getting extremely peed off with mum now and I am fed of dealing with this blasted case and my mother.

My car battery has died and I’m currently sat waiting for the AA to sort it so I can go home. It’s just another thing I don’t need. Whilst reporting the incident mum is having ago at me telling me I do not care about her and she will kill herself because no one is helping her. She is saying that me and my siblings are gossiping behind her back. I can’t exactly rush to her aid when my car is dead. I told her this and she keeps saying “whatever it proves that you don’t care about me.”

I have called the police myself on the man who has made threats to rpe my sister, petrol bombs my mums house, and cut her from ear to ear, run her over, all comments have been said.

I called the police last night and even the call handler said about mum’s vulnerabilities, and how social services aren’t doing enough to support her. They gave me a log number and said they would contact mum. Mum says they have been round to see her today and have opted for her to give a statement and they will speak to the investigating officer about the case; however, it is difficult due to the bail conditions. They have also told her to keep away from him which I am not sure is a bit of advice or an order.

I can also gather that the guy has been ringing the police again saying mum is harassing him. However, from speaking to mum, just how she is harassing him I don’t know. That was also one of the reasons why the police went round, however, to not discuss the nature of the crime is odd. It just demonstrates what is going on here. I believe mum is not harassing him, but the way he is acting and framing her she may as well have.

I am getting extremely annoyed speaking to her about the case because she can’t string a full sentence together and repeats herself over and over. She can’t tell the difference between a question and a statement and mixes the two up. I ask a question and she won’t even respond to the question. If she does you get two words, one often badly spelt, the other makes no sense. These are the communication problems I identified to the social worker. She can’t understand nuances in conversation, but when idioms are involved, it completely messes her up. However, it’s not always recognized in the world around her. I interview people daily in my job, even children, people in care homes with dementia, and no one is harder to get any info out than her.

When I spoke to the officer last night, she was full of sympathy and said that the guy is wasting police time. They said they would investigate and clearly understand what is going on here. They gave me a log number and said they would speak to the investigating officer. They also asked if mum had a social worker, to which I replied she had one who was supporting her but since she moved teams she is stuck in the system. Mum also said that they have seen the messages and told her that it is a fake account. It seems like they are now investigating, but she doesn’t believe they are and is threatening to harm herself.

My sister has also called the police about his messages, and they are investigating that too.

When I spoke to the officer too, she said about me taking time off work to help mum communicate with the police. I told them, no. It seems like the police being called is a daily occurrence now, and I can’t just have days off to attend. If I miss work that is a day’s pay. A week of and that is my rent gone, sitting with her is not going to pay the bills. Sitting with her is not going to keep a roof over my head. I am not losing my job or being made homeless over this.

Social Services are still nowhere to be seen and are saying it is not a safeguarding issue. Again, I must reiterate how is threatened to be murdered not a bloody safeguarding risk? Honestly? It doesn’t matter if the police are involved, they should be working to protect her and make sure she is okay.

I can’t help but think to the future and what happens after this case. Yes the man may go down again, but this is the second wierdo mum has met since dad died. She has absolutely no sense of danger, alarm bells, and red flags going off. To use a harsh idiom, or it may be accurate here. She is like the year 7 autistic kid in the school playground being spoken to by a group of troublesome year 11s. She thinks people are her friends, but as soon as people turn nasty, she is confused and disheartened. Its psychological abuse at its finest. One of my best friends in school was autistic and I saw it happen to them multiple times. Gone are the days when bullying is ‘Give me your lunch money! It is so much more psychological and sadistic.’ People pretend to be friends, usually to mock or bully, and then pull away when someone is hurt for their own enjoyment. For people who cant understand nuances this is just abusive. The people giving the abuse are always clearly to blame. I do believe mum may be autistic. But above all she is a damn idiot.

I told mum off and now she has gone off in a huff, I told her she had no idea how to keep herself safe and she is not thinking about her safety when meeting men in pubs. I told her you met a guy that has six children to different women who he is not allowed to see, multiple convictions for abuse to women and children, driving offenses, and lives in an accommodation for alcoholics, and alarm bells didn’t ring.

I’m now getting abuse of mum who is telling me it isn’t true that the police are investigating and is going crazy. She keeps saying “they don’t believe me frantically.” I asked her why she thinks that and she keeps saying “because they don’t and they are making out she is lying.” I asked her why she thinks that and they said they just are. The police have given both me and my sister log numbers, they have offered for mum to get a statement. They are going to be speaking to a supervisor, I don’t understand what more can be done on the police front.

I genuinely believe that the officer told her to stay away from him as a piece of advice.

Social services should be responding but they are not even bothered. I also can’t keep spending my days calling someone who never calls back.

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I eventually got home. I grabbed a takeaway as I am way too stressed to cook. I’ve only eaten half of it so the rest I will take to work tomorrow for lunch. I didn’t use all of my weekly budget last week, so I was able to afford it. Car needs a new battery now, it’s going to the garage tomorrow anyway. It was my own fault, I stupidly left a light on all day and the battery went flat. I fully admit to that one and can only say oh well. The good news is it’s a simple fix. The AA man also questioned the quality of the battery since it jump started again, but still failed a test. Then again when I fixed it last time during lockdown I went to a cheapy dodgy garage. Again oh well.

However it just demonstrates that I have a real issue with memory lately. I used to be so on the ball, but now not so much. I feel like I am on auto pilot lately. I just want a break from everything.

I’ve just had enough of dealing with all this. I got home and spoke to mum. The guy is continuing to tell her so harm herself doing it up to 20 times a day. He keeps telling her she “would be better off dead.” He’s telling her “your kids want you dead and you need to do them a favour.” He’s then asking her why she hasn’t done it yet and needs to do it now. Past couple of days she’s had it loads and as fast as one account is deleted another one is made instantly.

Mum has sent me the screenshots and he just won’t stop. He is now threatening to knife her, mow her down and petrol bomb her house. Mum told me he has thrown her to the ground, attempted to rpe her, held a knife to her throat and slightly cut her, head butted her, and held a gun to her head. All these have been swept under the carpet by the police.

He is also threatening to rpe my youngest sister she is 20. The fact that this man is gaining sexual gratification over molestering a 20 yr old is sick.

He has gone through my mums entire family, and is saying to her “all your family want you dead so you’d be better off doing it now.” He’s even making these accounts on behalf of us telling her to harm herself.

He’s making constant calls to the police making out mum is stalking him; and the police are investigating her.

He has been messaging her through accounts pretending to a police officer from a certain station (which hasn’t existed in about 20 years) and trying to get her to respond. Again nothing.

I’ve noticed there seems to be a pattern; everytime he does something to harm mum, it seems like he is calling the police with a stronger allegation than the crime he has committed. This has happened far too many times to be a coincidence. It seems to be creating a distraction for the real abuse going on. Let’s be honest the man has served multiple convictions for harming women, he obviously knows what he is doing.

Calling the police myself seems to be a lottery, I have only called them a couple of times. I called them last night as he was causing trouble for her and I was concerned about her and the families safety. I spoke to a lovely officer who clearly identified that mum was vulnerable, she asked if mum had a social worker, and I told her. She told me mum should not be under bail. They told me they would make contact with her.

It seems like the guy also called them too, and they went round to my mums house today. According to mum they were very stern with her and were treating her like a culprit but she tried to comply. She showed the police officer all the messages, and they said to her “it seems like he is harassing you instead of you harassing him.” They said they would speak to the sargeant about it.

I’m trying to make contact with the domestic abuse person who is dealing with mums case, but I could not reach her earlier. Work were also conducting interviews, so I couldn’t really use the room to make a private phone call either. I will try again tomorrow.

I have also had very stern words with adult safeguarding. The duty worker again couldn’t be any more useless and non helpful. I have been researching the care act and building up a case against them because they are failing to act in this situation. I’m sure a lot of people on here will know it but these are the things I draw attention to.

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The main one is preventing abuse, well abuse is clearly happening and they haven’t prevented it nor assisting any help. They haven’t even made contact with her or the police.

Second is the help and support to make a right decision, again it seems like mum is having a huge battle with police officers who are showing no signs of trying to help her understand, no awareness of mental health problems nor vulnerabilities.

I spoke to the duty worker and I played a card I know I shouldn’t but sometimes I have to. The team couldn’t be any more dismissive again, I told them mum had a break down and I was stuck 20 miles away due to a flat battery and couldn’t go to her. They told me I should have really gone to her.

At that point I was stuck, how was I supposed to go to her? How was I able to make my car work in a manner of super human strength to convenience them.

I cried to them and I told them that if anything happens to either my sister or my mum under their watch then I will be taking legal action. I also told them I am not going to be a statistic and I don’t want their to be an article in the local newspaper (not the one I work for) about how this man murdered or rpd members of my family with no measures being taken to prevent it.

The woman on the phone was abit useles and told me that the social worker is aware of the situation and Is trying to deal with it. I then proceeded to ask her who is her social worker, has she been assigned a new one yet. She said no! She also said that I needed permission from mum for her to speak to me. Social services already have that permission it was granted ages ago.

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Please don’t keep ringing Social Services. Use your journalistic skills and email them. This gives you and them a clear record of what was said.

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I try that and they just completely ignore it or I just get the standard response of “we are waiting to allocate your mum a case worker, in the meantime please doll contact Adult Safeguarding or 999 in an emergency.”

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Hi, I have spent my dinner break researching the Care Act as per the U.K Government website and I will be building a case against them. Reading the legislation it becomes clear that they are not meeting her needs in a number of ways.

Above all the care act says “prevention should me made where abuse is possible”. Well abuse has happened, they know the abuse has happened, where was the prevention?. The previous social worker tried to do something, but she could no longer be involved with my mum when she was placed on long term care. Ever since she hasn’t had a set social worker and instead relies on duty social workers, duty social workers just don’t have the same level of interaction with her nor the ability to do anything. No one has done anything.

I asked for a financial capacity assessment about three weeks ago, nothing has been done about that one. Honestly never love in East Yorkshire, every

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Just an update on the car. It’s now in the garage. Got a call at the end of the day to say that it was both the cylinder head and piston rings that needed replacing. He said the parts have been ordered. There was also talk of an engine recondition. He said it is a big job. I’m not sure how long it is expected to take and I’m very worried about that. I have been given a courtesy car. I hope to get it back by weekend but I’m not sure, he didn’t really say.

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Im very sorry to hear abiut the trouble you are having with your Mums abusive friend. Sorry to sound ignorant but why is he doing this? What has your Mum ever done to him? He sounds like a so called friend I had years ago. He reckoned he was the tough man because he could make threats to women. And as I found out later he used to beat up his ex partner. There is two things you could do.
1 Facebook has a blocking button which stops him from sending messages. It is found to where the button says friends. And it gives you a choice to block them or unblock them.
2 Report him to Facebook.
I know this is hard but try not to react angry or upset at his antics. Because your reaction is what he gets off on. So just try and be indifferent. If he tries to send you a letter in the post and he asks, just say I didnt receive it, what letter? He sounds a lot like my ex friend who just loved causing trouble.

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Hi. Thanks for the message.

I cannot say why he is doing it. She hasn’t known him long. He’s got convictions for domestic abuse for women, so mum isn’t the first. It could be a power thing.

It’s a difficult one. It’s not so much about blocking him really since he is finding ways to get through to mum. He’s contacting her family and friends.