Just when things go right .. they have to suddenly change

Hi, so I know I posted a few positive things on here earlier. However, things have got slightly difficult again. Not long after my last post, I was knackered and just fell asleep. Around half an hour ago, I was awoken by the constant buzzing of my phone to find my cousin ringing me frantically. I don’t normally put my phone on silent because once Im out, I’m out. I don’t expect anyone to ring so late anyway.

But this woke me. I answered it half asleep to my cousin shouting at me “to sort my effing mum out or else.” I was confused, I was half asleep and struggling to get my head together. I asked her what was going on. Apparently my mum texted her a simple message. Yes it was one that could have been taken multiple ways, but not that bad.

I mentioned my mum getting into an abusive relationship before. Well the guy would contact this cousin and my youngest sibling with reports of things that my mum had supposedly done. It was a Classic abuse case really, he would violently attack mum and then mark his skin to claim she had done it to him instead. Police got involved, it became easier to blame the woman with mental health issues than the man with a history of violence. He would contact family to turn them against her. Funny how he never contacted me once. I’ve never ever spoken to him.

So today my mum asked her if he had said anything else to her which I agree is stupid given her character, but also just not worth an argument over. I have told mum about doing this because she really rubs people up the wrong way. She has asked similar things to me in the past and I have got angry with her because she doesn’t stop pushing. She just can’t get over things and move on. She still goes on about incidents that happened years ago like they only happened yesterday. Only I am a level headed individual that doesn’t resort to violence and threats when something annoys me.

Anyway Apparently they argued, but like many people, she too has had enough of mum. I have told her many times if you are that concerned ring social services, ring safeguarding, but no, she just takes it too far. I agree mum should not have messaged her because of who she is and she just seems to want an argument. But does mum ever listen no. I have told her countless times to block her and not to contact them. But she just decided to resort to threat.

This cousin was really getting at me. She has done it before. That day I broke down at work, lost my relationship and had to go to the mental health facility the night before she had said some really nasty things to me. She told me I wasn’t good enough and I was an unfit daughter. She told me I was a disgrace. She said it to both siblings too. She calls me an unfit daughter, because apparently I let my mum get away with all her behaviour.

She says I’m a disgrace because I won’t take her phone of her. That I’m not stopping her from having mental health problems and not stopping her from talking to people. It’s insane. She said I’m not good enough for not stopping her from doing all these things and that makes me a terrible person. She keeps telling me that if I don’t sort her out, she will “smash her face in” she also keeps making threats about getting us all. Both siblings included.

It was 11:50 when she called. She was literally screaming at me down the phone saying that if I don’t go and stop her right now she will go around and hurt her. I told her to just ignore it and I told her anymore I will contact the police. She wouldn’t stop. I did raise my voice back and I said “you’ve just woken me up, how the hell am I in any fit state to drive. “ She continued to say that If I didn’t go she would hurt her and that I would be responsible.

I came off the phone and Immediately started to throw up. I was confused and disoriented. I have called the police.

Mum also told me that she keeps saying I am stealing money from mum. I don’t understand, so she hates mum because of her behaviour but then is really concerned that ‘I am stealing money from mum.’ Mum has access to all her own money apart from a small pot which is used to pay the bills. I do wonder if she actually called the police, last time she said she did but soon came around with all the apologies. I then got the classic “I just call a spade a spade line.”

She is resorting to bullying both siblings too. The youngest aged 20 lives with her partner in another city. I do t see her often. She’s still quite young, and this cousin who is in their 50s is supposedly calling the police on her for being a ‘sex worker.’ She only posted a picture of herself on a night out. According to my cousin she was asking for it because her arms were showing.

She has also threatened to expose my other sibling who is partially sighted. Apparently she is lying about her condition to get out of taking responsibility for mum. This sibling also once posted a silly meme on Facebook, the cousin saw it. She instantly called her and had ago at her, telling her she can’t be partially sighted for posting it and she should be doing more caring rather than posting memes.

I strongly suggest you have no further contact and block her number. She has no right to talk to you that way, and frankly it sounds as if she needs treatment.

I would also go so far as to delete her number from your Mum’s phone and get your siblings and Mum to block her too.

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Yeah, I know one sibling has for the way she spoke about her disabilities. She is generally very easy going and can even make very dark jokes about her disability, but my cousin telling her to just stop being disabled and that she is only disabled to not care for mum is downright disgusting. She may be able to see and work and stuff, but her condition affects her all the time. She’s very capable, but I do have to help her with a wide range of things. It’s just not right. Her condition also hit her quite young and even now her consultant tells her she is the youngest patient on his books. It doesn’t matter what someone’s condition is bullying a disabled person because it ‘inconveniences’ someone is downright wrong.

She told me, she wants to see us all in prison for our behaviour which apparently affects her so much. She said she phoned the police to get us all locked up. So she wants my sister locked up for being partially sighted, me for not taking my mums phone off her, and the other sibling for posting a picture on Facebook. She is really living up to her name -it’s Karen.

I have just had enough. She is a complete nutcase, when I ask how I should best care for him she says that I just be “giving my mum everything she wants and to not be so selfish.” Mum wants dad back and apparently because I can’t bring him back from the dead I’m making excuses. I always get the classic line “I’d move heaven and earth for my mum.” Yeah not literally though Karen.

I then get the classic, I don’t care because I won’t take mums phone from her. I propose how she even contacts anyone, she said. “She doesn’t” when I mention her needing the phone for her appointments, to assess health facilities, she keeps saying she doesn’t need them and I should be doing better at my job as a carer. Again with the universal credit appointments, she shouldn’t need to have them if I was a better carer. Apparently it’s all ‘excuses.’

As well as her mental health problems, mum does have physical problems which is severe osteoarthritis in her knee. Again, I’m not doing enough to cure her of it in her eyes. It’s just really stupid, and downright abusive.

I feel like im in a situation of damned if I do, damned if I don’t. I have spent the past two years fighting mums corner, she is now on that housing list which she wanted all along. By the end of the year or just after she could have one of these places. It won’t be an end all solution by no means, mum will still continue to be physically disabled. That will never go. She will still grieve my dad, but it’s hoped in the right environment she will do better. She will feel safer and be in an environment where there are lots of people who are disabled.

I have told the cousin all this, and how close she is. That place just has to come available now, that is it. I have been feeling better lately, because I know that is the next step. No more fighting to get on this list. However I am very worried, I feel like people want to bully her off it especially this cousin.

The cousin is also saying she is getting fed up of my mums posts on Facebook, yes they are annoying. Mum will sometimes posts statuses about going to get her steroid jabs done for her knee. She was also posting updates about the healing process of her fractured arm. She sometimes posts mental health related things, yes at times she goes too far I admit.
However how many people have a relative who doesn’t understand social media, how to use it.

So all in all I am a bad daughter, and a bad carer because I don’t stop my mum attending her appointments, I don’t stop mum talking to her friends, I don’t stop her from receiving money.

No and no. Just block her. You do not need this.

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Honestly stuff my life sometimes. They say life is a roller coaster, mine is more like one of them jumping jack things.

After last nights incident I’ve felt pretty crap. Today I had to go to the city centre library to sort out my parking permit too since I had to get a temporary one whilst my new car documents came through after moving. I decided whilst I was there I would get something to eat, and buy a certain game for my PlayStation.

So I got my pass and I walked towards a shopping centre hoping to get some Chinese chicken. Whilst in the shopping centre my mums neighbour was there really eyeballing me. Though nothing came of it, I dreaded to think what mum told her. I walk on and I see the one person I wish I hadn’t of seen - my ex with another girl. Brilliant. I’m not jumping to conclusions and saying that he is with this girl, I don’t know if they are or not. I was confused who she was because I lived with him for a year, never met her once. Nonetheless that is not why I was upset.

I was upset because he was in the city centre mid afternoon on a Saturday. Some may say what is wrong with that, but everything is wrong with that. It makes no sense, and the only logical reasoning is his mum really drove a wedge into our relationship. It made clear she used me.

I say that because when I lived with him I walked on egg shells with his mother. An act that has apparently been done by his girlfriends even before me. I say my mum is mental, but this woman is a controlling physcopath. I could write a long list of all her stupid rules, including her timing you in the shower to see if you washed properly every night to counting my tampons in the box to make sure I was using them correctly. I decided once to really wind her up by getting the contraceptive implant in my arm. I have pcos and I knew it would stop all that completely because it did when I had it previous. She couldn’t count them because I didn’t need them. Absolute maniac. 1- nill to me.

There were a million and one times when I would suggest to him to go into town on a Saturday afternoon to get food or see a film. He would be up for it. However she would soon put a stop to us going out, because she wanted somethingu doing and she had to be number 1. She got like this every weekend, and I mean every weekend. She wouldn’t even let him go and see his Nana who lived nearby. This is why I found it very strange to see him today and not what I wanted. She nearly threw me out once because I was feeling that way out and just wanted to get some fresh air. He suggested coming with me and she threw a fit.

Seeing him symbolised so much more than the end of us. We both knew we saw each other, we bumped into each other in the same shops mainly cex and game. No words were spoken or any glances for more than a few seconds.

All I can say is I’m not particularly jealous if he is with this new girl. I wish her all the luck dealing with the narcissist. I just didn’t expect him to find someone so damn quick, he always said to me “he would have a hard time getting over me.” Those words were just probably whispers in the wind, but our relationship was great. It was just his mother, and he had to choose her.

She also used me to get thousands of pounds out of me. I was nothing more than a bank account to her. If I ever end up in another relationship god forbid they have a mother.

Anyway I was heading back to my car and I went in a nearby shop. I walked in and the first song lyrics I heard on the system were “I didn’t expect you to find anyone else.” Yep, thanks

Mum also won’t stop calling me since last nights incident. I don’t want to answer her, because I know for a fact that she is not interested if I am okay after it. She doesn’t care that I had a sleepiness night and a hard day.

Children fall over when they are trying to learn to walk. Your situation is the same. You have to pick yourself up, dust yourself down, and start all over again. You must now block these people from your phone. If anyone EVER has a go at you again, just say “I don’t have to listen to this” and put the phone down, and BLOCK them. You have every right to control your own life. They have no right or authority to tell you want to do. We are here for you. This is just a set back. I know you are upset, but looking back, this will be a watershed moment if you want it to be, drawing a line under the past, now looking forward to a brighter future.

It is important in order to get out. Today I went to a local pub downtown for some cocktails and fun. We played games too. And we had a nice time.

I understand, it is a setback. I don’t know why I answered the call last night. I had only been asleep about an hour when I got that call which was probably the worst time to wake up. I remember answering the call but not really waking up. I should have hesitated since It was a call from her, she has done it before but apologised to me after. I was just on auto pilot at that point. I have blocked her now.

Obviously after that call it made me sick so I didn’t get back to sleep until 5am. Then my body clock woke me up at 7:30. I would have stayed in today but I had an appointment for that parking permit. I was genuinely shocked to see my ex there.

Now according to mum the cousin keeps telling mum to kill herself. Once again mum has resorted to writing statuses about it on Facebook. I saw them and responded by calling the safeguarding team, they told me to ring 111. I gave them mums details and I think they are/have called her. Hopefully she has responded.

I’m now just laid in bed just watching tv. Sometimes if I watch an episode of a tv show it’s an accomplishment. I always have the tv, but use it for background noise. To actually watch it is an achievement. The show I am watching is one I’ve seen a million times, but it’s very grounding for certain reasons. I am tired but trying not to go to sleep too early since I suffer from nightmares and panic episodes waking up in a panic.

Well done for dialling 111. Let them deal with it. I usually go to sleep with the TV on to avoid other things buzzing round my head. I’m always unsettled after my son has been home. Yesterday, I had to remind his staff that they must NOT leave me ANY jobs to do. If he needs shoe laces, then the solution is simple, they must support him to go and buy some themselves! Staff bringing him home on Friday told me they had ordered some from the local Clarks shop and they were £15!!! This is just one of a series of issues I found, and I’m always “stewing” afterwards. Falling asleep gently “watching” at TV programme is much better than sleeping tablets.

Good grief BB £15 for shoe laces! Poundland sell them for …yes £1 and even the supermarkets don’t charge that much more. Even Amazon if they really couldn’t be bothered to go to the shops, which is appalling anyway.
I need the TV on when I first go to bed. Otherwise I have flashbacks, or any niggles I have become major worries.
Coolcar, you really are so much better. May it long continue

Yeah £15 is so excessive. I would understand if it’s a certain type of shoe. My sister has docs so £15 shoelaces I would understand in that situation. I wear vans and even then shoelaces are usually around £6. Otherwise it is just excessive. I feel your pain there, sometimes it’s like people want to be awkward and annoying. It becomes another thing you have to deal with. Like you just want to shout “have some common sense.” How privileged must some people be to think that £15 for a pair is basic shoelaces is reasonable.

It sounds silly, but if they are overpaying for everything then it just takes away someone’s freedom. That money could be better spent elsewhere. Your son could enjoy a day out or buy himself something he really wants. Even buy himself something nice.

Anyway, I hadn’t watched the series in a while. It just reminds me of simpler times really, back to my early uni days before the pandemic. I had money and freedom back then. I was also lucky enough to get tickets to see a recording of this show at Pinewood studios and going to that show was the first time I ever traveled down to london from East Yorkshire on my own. That was the first of many trips. I always stayed in the same bed and breakfast in Paddington. I used to love those breakfasts and watch as the london buses went by. I miss those days. I have only been to london once since the pandemic. It was with my ex, I liked it but I spent most of the day battling with my him weather I could buy anything that his mum would approve of. Everything was clutter to her.
Everything was a waste of money, she always used to say “if you can afford that, you can afford to pay more rent to me.” I was already paying a third of my monthly wage to her. I remember thinking I preferred it on my own.

The first time I ever ventured out on my own after what happened was for a convention to do with another tv show I am obsessed with. I know it’s extremely geeky, but at this point I had never been to a con. Mum was livid when she found out, I had to sweeten the deal by offering her money just so I could go. It was in Nottingham. On the first night mum kicked off big time, and I was fearful I would have to get the first train home, but I didn’t. I remember having tears on the final day because I didn’t want to go back.

:rofl: That’s plain ridiculous.

So, when do you think you might next take yourself off to London or find a convention you are interested in? Be nice to something to look forward too.

We all need a change of scenery now and then. I’m “escaping” for a few days next month. Warner Leisure Hotels are doing some really good deals, as low as £99 for 2 nights with dinner, bed, breakfast and entertainment! I would steer clear of those on the Isle of Wight this time of year though, chalets overlooking the sea are great in summer, probably not when there is a south westerly storm!

A change of scenery is crucial. I went on a fun drive yesterday to another area of Surrey in the car and on the way back I went to a shop in order to do food shopping. On the way I made some brief summary notes on trees. Please give us a update.

Hi. So I don’t want to Jinx things. Mums care package has now started and mum already gets along with them so we’ll just after a day. They helped her to tidy her bedroom and sort out the kitchen yesterday. She seemed happier with them.

Ok another note though my car went for an inspection today, sadly the issue is as feared though it is very fixable. Sadly it will cost abit of money to do, but I can’t be bothered to faff around with getting a new car. I have been facing the dilemma of whether to get a new one or not, but I have decided that it would just be too much of an issue to get a new one. I don’t want to go through the experience of getting another parking permit from the local council because it was traumatic the first time. The local council just like to make things difficult.

So my car will be going in for a two day repair next week costing be £750. But once it is fixed it will be good to go.

Other than that. It is still a battle with social services.

Shame about the car, I needed a new gearbox last year, expensive but I’d had the car since it was nearly new and looked after it carefully, so decided it was worth doing.
Good new about mum, fingers crossed it carries on like this.

Thanks for the update. Shame about the car, perhaps a mechanic can help.

It is good news re your mother.
Your car it It is a pity but £750 is far better than another car as you say. Take you longer than 2 days to sort one out. I’m sure you trust your mechanic