Hi, sorry it is me again.
I’m now just feeling so overwhelmed about my caring situation. I am sick of worrying about things.
I have sent an email to social services about mums care about the fact they are failing to meet basic care needs as part of the care act. I also had an appointment with my councillor earlier.
Also an update on the car. It’s a bigger job than expected; basically the head gasket, cylinder head and the piston rings went. An engine recon was advised. I went to sort something with the garage, and the mechanic showed me the car, and it’s issues-so I know he is telling the truth. I should get it back by the end of next week, it’s also going to cost around £1200. The cam belt will also be done within that price. However, I am willing to pay it for that car. Hopefully with a little tlc, it will be like driving a new car. I have been given a courtesy car, but only till Monday due to bookings, so I will have to get a bus to work for a few days. I will just have to get up earlier for a few days. Luckily there is a good deal on busses at the moment, £2 a journey anywhere within the coverage of the busses.
However, I just can’t help but feel lost. I don’t really know what is wrong with me. It’s like I’m waiting for something good to happen, something to look forward to. It’s just not happening. I have things booked in, i am going to see comedian Jack Whitehall next month, and I have tickets booked for my favourite band Muse in June (I bought them before I knew I would have to move out). It’s not so much that I’m not looking forward to it, I am. It is just everything else. I feel like something is missing in my life.
We were discussing holidays earlier at work and my boss said to me about taking mine. I just kind of said I don’t really take them because I don’t really have anything else to do. I don’t exactly have money to go on holiday or any days out. I’d just end up working anyway, just from home. I like my job and it gives me purpose. It’s like what they say “get a job you enjoy and you’ll never work a day in your life.” That is me. I never get up in a morning and say “I can’t be bothered.” I’ve never had a day off due to illness either. Ive taken holidays for other reasons.
I was discussing it with a colleague really, like I’m not depressed, just kind of without any excitement in life. I don’t have a partner anymore and that is more of a choice right now. I’m open to another relationship, but it has to be right. I’m not looking, nor am I someone who needs to be with someone. If the time is right it will happen. I have lots of hobbies, and a million video games to play, but it’s not enough. I watched a programme a few days ago about people travelling and I was in awe about it, I guess I want to do that again.
I drove home tonight, the Friday drive home always seems to have an affect on me. When I left work I went for a walk through the high street which was nice and then got in the car. By 4:30-5pm, there is this glow in the area which makes driving through rural areas and villages quite pretty really. I’m always very contempt driving it. Yet, still I couldn’t help but feeling underwhelmed really. It was nice driving it but once I get to a certain point then it’s back to the same old.
I just want something good to happen. I just want to be happy. I feel like I am on auto pilot.