Is this normal for me to feel like this?

Hello I’m new here and for many years before I became a carer for my parents I have suffered depression and anxiety.

I’m in my 40s now and live with both parents who are disabled and in their 80s. I take them to appointments, do shopping and help out in the house seeing to them and makesure they’re alright.

A few years ago I was diagnosed with GAD, general anxiety disorder. Some days I can’t go out and worry how I look as I feel low. I’ve not got any friends.

One day I’d like to meet someone for a relationship. The thing is no one will go out with me being at home in my 40s caring for my parents.

Since lockdown I’ve felt worse about things and emotional struggling generally. I often wonder if things will be ok.

Hi Arcade, welcome to the forum.

Have you always lived with mum and dad?
Have they always expected you to do whatever they asked you to?

When I was 60 I had counselling, and realised that although I’d done all sorts of things, as far as my disabled mum was concerned I was still acting like an obedient little girl!!

Tell us more about your parents, and we may be able to find a way forward for you.
Exactly how old are they, and what is wrong with them?
Do they own or rent their home?
Do they have over £46,000 between them (the cut off for Social Services financial support).
Do either of them claim Attendance Allowance?

Thank you.

Yes I’ve always lived with them but have done my own thing in the past. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to look for a place due to suffering severe depression myself.

I get on well with my parents and receive carers allowance. I can only get this for one parent though.

Mum has foot problems and so can only walk indoors using a frame. Dad had a stroke a few years ago and is diabetic. He is having treatment at the moment for foot problems as well so it’s not been easy.

They own the house. I care a lot about them.

I do jobs that help me as well to motivate in the house.

Although when it comes to meeting someone for a relationship or friends, people don’t seem interested. They only come to you when they want a favour.

I would like to meet someone. It’s unlikely when you’re over 40 and living with parents.

You would be surprised were people met other like minded people. It usually happens when lease expecting it to. You are still young I’ve seen people in the eighties. Develop further meaningful relationships you are not over any hill yet.

Are you connected to any local carers groups.

You are quite likely to met like minded people in this groups. And these individuals will understand more as you as a carer.

The thing is your are in a mind set as long as I am at home etc etc.

When you develop a wider network you gain more access to other people.

How much guaranteed time off do you get each week?
Time when you can plan to go our for a walk, a swim, a coffee, get your haircut, etc. etc.
Caring for one person is difficult, for two people it is usually full on, so the person that gets forgotten about is you!
Have you ever thought about counselling? It gave me the skills to still be nice to mum, but not doing everything she wanted.

Thank you both of you

I’ll have a read of those links which may ease my mind.

I must admit I’ve felt very depressed today. I sometimes think of things and a lot gets to me.

When we had the nice weather a few weeks ago I was going for some walks. I haven’t the past three weeks. I’ve not felt up to it with change of weather that hasn’t helped.

I’m aiming to go swimming in the week and hopefully get to meet people in general. Although I do feel embarrassed saying I live at home with parents when people want to know about you.

It’s nice to be able to be more open here as people can relate. Thanks.

I forgot to mention that I did join a couple of carer support groups a few weeks ago.

I do have befriending where someone calls me once a week as well.

It’s OK to feel low sad depressed. Who said we always have to laugh be happy. Go with the flow. If that’s how you feel trying to get to an expectation on how you should feel. Will make it worse and harder to shake off.

It’s only a problem if the situation of being possibly low sad and depressed. Is more often than being happy.

I look at life as episodes …

I was a child, I went to school, I made friends, I left school and went to work etc etc. Look at the positives your have had in your life. This current situation is another episode it will not remain the same. It maybe longer than some other episodes but there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

Start writing a daily diary you may find a pattern.

Thanks sunnydisposition :slightly_smiling_face: