Hi everyone extended whinge coming up. How do you all cope when you reach the point of screaming or crying ?
I had a day planned for 4 months , meticulously planned just a trip to the theatre . Picked a matinee to avoid upsetting evening routines thought all was sorted then this morning I just knew it wasn’t going to happen.
My dads pain was too bad my mums walking not right the lunch I had sorted to be replaced by a can of soup as apparently I am the only one who can make the oven work right. So I caved and I was bloody dissapointed and quite frankly wanted to say sod it and go anyway but I know better.
So my question is what do you do in this sort of situation ? Any ideas short of murder gratefully received. 
Shouting. Screaming. Hitting cushions. Planning a bigger and better day next time. A large glass of wine
Making a plan to get (more?) outside help…
And a big virtual hug ((((hug)))
No is the answer. This happened all the time to me so i ended up not doing the things i wanted. I have had to do some hard thinking and make big decisions. I had had enough.
I got help!
I arranged to get LA support so now have carers coming in.
We have a fall alarm.
Breakfast pre prepared by me
Lunch pre prepared by me
Been a bit selfish and put me first
I have gone back to work
Booked to go out to theatre etc
Go on scooter clubs rides
Booked to go to a scooter rally next year.
I go swimming too and play squash when i need to vent frustration!
I still care for my wife when i am home but things have to give and getting help is the first step. Get a care needs assessment and a carers assessment. Hard but stop feeling guilty too.
Hope things improve for you
You should have gone and left them too it, to make them realise that you are ENTITLED to some life of your own, and that if they want you to care for them MOST of the time, they MUST let you have time off to do your own thing.
I don’t make this comment lightly, call it bitter experience.
The more you give up for them, the more they expect, until they get all of you and there is nothing left for you.
Emma you have my sympathy! I tend to lose myself in a book when I have to cancel plans and offload in emails to a couple of trusted friends - both been carers so understand.
But BB is right the more we ‘give in’ the more we lose of ourselves. We need to have a life outside the carer roll. No easy answers from me but wish you could maybe find a sitter? I know it is hard and expensive.
Emma, sorry you missed out your much awaited and carefully planned trip.
It sounds to me that you look after your parents so well, they are very lucky to have you. I must say though, I think you fell hook-line-and-sinker for the, “poor us, we can’t use the oven, only you can, we’ll have to rough it and just have a can of soup,” routine. It’s easy in retrospect, but next time say, “If you don’t feel confident using the oven, then soup is a great idea.” They won’t starve having soup for lunch, in the scheme of things!!
I think you need to plan regular outings for you, so they are the norm. This will be very good for you and for them to, because a happy carer is a better carer. If necessary a care visit or a befriender or a sitter can be arranged to pop in and check on them both. Do they have emergency pendants?
Melly1
That’s not a whinge, it’s a reasonable complaint!
Forgive me if this is a really bad idea, but would it work if, another time, you didn’t tell anyone you had a special outing planned until you were pretty much ready to go?