Last night I went out with my best friend for a meal out paid for by my sons .thisxwas the 1st time in 14years we had been out in the evening. I did this because my sis in law was visiting from down south and was able to answer any of the calls/ mini crisis / texts I cope with on a daily basis . I care for 4 family members one full time (my husband) but things went wrong whilst I was away at the meal as mum in law had a fall ( not serious) and the nephew had a autism meltdown. Now my hubby is mad because “ you weren’t there” he and his sis dealt with it , yes it was stressful but no more than what I cope with 24/7 . I feel life is unfair and I just needed to rant. Thanks for listening. Onwards and upwards a new day begins.
You are so right, life is not fair if you are a carer and being on call 24/7 is wearing but I’m lucky as I can get us both out if the weather isn’t too bad and 1st evening out in 14 yrs would have been nice if undisturbed.
Looking after 4 must be a tremendous strain as I only look after 1 and that can try my patience badly…so in my books you are one of the unsung Heroes who deserve more and a good rant does take the pressure off for a while.
Take care
A&D
You did the right thing. How does your husband think he would feel if you never had such a break and became less able to care for him? It doesn’t work that way, that one person does everything at the expense of their own life. Does your sister in law understand and can she explain it to him? I think you should try to repeat this again soon.
Try to use this situation to your advantage.
Firstly, if HIS mum has a fall, then surely it’s not unreasonable for him to take charge of that? All he needed to do was call the ambulance, to check her over and make sure nothing was broken.
If son has a “meltdown” then husband should have a strategy for dealing with this. Is it his son by the way?
From now on, plan regular time off, which is “non negotiable”. I have times when I say IF WW3 should break out, then someone could consider whether I needed to know, otherwise leave me alone.
Now I’m only a poorly part time carer, this is easier for me to do now.
However my health is in ruins having cared for son and four elderly parents for too long.
It’s much better to make a stand before you end up with lifelong health problems.
Why is he such a wimp?
Hi Sunnygirl,
Keep telling him: on that one evening, they DID cope. (Just as you have to cope, day in day out!)
Practise makes perfect, you going out and them coping, needs to be a normal event, not a once every 14 years event. Commit to going out regularly once a week, if that’s too radical, once a month to start with. They will learn to cope AND you will be better able to cope with your massive caring role, because you have had a break.
Melly1
Yes I agree with others you need to go out much more often. If they are finding it difficult even more reason to do it regularly, they clearly need a lot more practice. It needs to get normal for you to have time out, and for things to work well enough without you