I’m sorry I just need to offload and have no one/ nowhere to go. Am currently sitting on the wall outside my fathers house - utterly exhausted and fed up. I don’t know how life has become like this and how others cope.
It just feels like a never ending pile of pressure put on me by various people who are actually paid to care but who just want to drop it all on me. I just need to offload as I feel I can’t cope(sorry).
Carer didn’t turn up this morning, called the agency , ‘these things happen’- they haven’t got anyone to go out until this evening. Can I do it? No I’ve got work. Well then he’ll just have to stay in bed until tonight- what about his medication??? No answer. Call social services - still haven’t phoned me back… I end up going and getting him dressed, prompt medication etc. The go (late ) to work come after work and still no carer. He’s spoiled himself - I loose it. Shout at Dad and the carer when they eventually turn up. I know it’s not Dad - I need to apologise. I just feel that my whole life is crumbling. I haven’t had a day off since 15 December - all my annual leave has been spent caring and I’m utterly exhausted. Friends and family just don’t get it and don’t do anything. I feel so alone.
I’ve got a meeting with the social worker on Tuesday. We still haven’t got a care plan despite Dad being discharged on 10 June. Current proposals don’t work but I’m sure they are going to try and cut what he does have. They still say he doesn’t quality for continuing healthcare despite the hospital wanting to see me on Monday because end of life is near. I’m too exhausted to keep fighting- between working and caring I don’t have a minute. I can cope with most things but there is just something about incontinence that triggers me - it’s like a red line. I don’t mind changing pads but when it goes elsewhere (floor etc) I just can’t cope. It’s not Dad’s fault. When carers don’t turn up he tries his best but he needs help. Gosh life has been pretty grim this year and I know it will only get worse.
I know others have it much worse. I would love to know how you all stay so cheerful and keep going. I feel utterly drained. At the moment Dad is the only positive in my life and I’ve just shouted at him. How horrific am I becoming-no wonder no one wants to help! I’m sorry.