I have been caring for my husband for three and a half years now since he came out of hospital having had a stroke during a heart operation. Although he was not expected to live when he came out of hospital he is actually very strong and has recovered to a certain degree. However, he cannot see very well and so is highly dependent on me.
For the three months he has been having trouble controlling his bowels although he is paranoid about NOT being able to go to the toilet. Because of this, he is prescribed a Bisocodyl tablet to take which I give him each night. What is happening is that he insists he cannot go to the loo and asks for fruit and prune juice etc to help which I am persuaded to give him as he gets really upset if I don’t.
Now he has started not to go for two or three days and then to mess everywhere when he does go and obviously I have to change the bed, clean him and bathroom and it is horrible, sometimes he starts to go again as I am cleaning him.
I am getting to the end of my tether and I feel that there must be a better way to cope.
I don’t know if there is such a thing as an incontinence nurse or someone that I could talk to about how to manage his bowels in a better way.
Any suggestions would be appreciated.

There should be an Incontinence Nurse at your surgery.

Probably called a continence nurse. The one in our borough was hard to find, but did exist.

There will be a continence nurse in your area. My mum has free pads from them.

I know this sounds drastic, but it does sound like a stoma would sort this problem once and for all…


I’m concerned that you don’t mention any outside help.
Has your husband had a Needs Assessment in the last year, and you a Carers Assessment, from Social Services?
Is he claiming any disability benefits (which ones depend on age)?